[TheGlow]

Originally Posted by SleepyWarrior

So i'm a person who is pretty tuned in with their chakras, and my heart chakra has always been a problem. In general my chakras are strong, and then get weaker as they get closer to my heart chakra. Personally I think it's because a lot of this hippydippy bull**** that's around the heart chakra lore is quite frankly, bull****.

So that is you blocking your heart chakra by invalidating it. That's ok it might be where you are suppose to be in your journey but for future reference maybe see what is behind this belief, if you wish to open your heart chakra down the road.

Originally Posted by SleepyWarrior

I'm trying to balance it out with the whole crystals, oils and meditation, and they, even if they're just symbols, do have some weak effect, but it's not long lasting. I think this is because the psychological/thoughts side of me overrides it.

You've got it. You are putting up a block or rather hitting a block you've installed.

Originally Posted by SleepyWarrior

When it comes to the heart chakra and loving others, it all seems like hippy ****. Unconditional love is not healthy and it's certainly not good to easily trust. In my view this world is a harsh place, and as a sensitive person, I need to protect myself. So I feel it's good to be closed off and suspicious of people...why shouldn't I? I will give them my love and fondness when I discover they're worthy of it. I refuse to invest myself in people who aren't worth it, or are just anyone because it's a "spiritual" thing to do. I wont walk around in a bubble of love and beauty because that's not the world we live in... I feel the need to be more of a warrior..

So that reads like fear, and that's ok. I too am a sensitive person so I understand putting up walls to protect. But while trust can be dangerous its really the expectation that others are capable of being who we hope they can be that really hurts us. We can only expect someone will do what they are capable of at this time in their growth just as that is all that can be expected of us.

Unconditional love is really healthy. It has no expectation on outcomes. It loves even if the person loved cannot be who we had hoped or does us harm. It is unaffected, unhurt. It loves and sustains us through healing, Its conditional love that is unhealthy, but its what most people are capable of. What could be scarier than love that disappears if we don't meet some criteria. Its not really love at all if it can disappear, just masquerading. That's dangerous.

Originally Posted by SleepyWarrior

And when it comes to love for myself, I don't know if this whole self love stuff is hippy **** too. I struggle to feel love for myself, if anything I'm apathetic towards myself. I take care of myself, but I don't love myself. I like my personality and how I look, but I don't love myself. Is that even possible?

You seem to be trying for conditional self love. Don't lol No one is perfect. Our 3d standards are impossible, our egos sabotage us every step of the way but underneath it all I hope you can find that beautiful feeling even if just in meditation that knows you are a lovely spark of the divine and not to be judged.

Originally Posted by SleepyWarrior

I do know, however, I feel a sense of anger and frustration at myself, and a feeling of rejection and spiritual loneliness, like I want to go home. I've been bullied and made to feel not good enough by the world because I'm just a kooky kind of person who has had mental health problems, so i've often felt unwanted by the world, defective and the opposite of what society wants, especially as a female.

The world teaches self rejection and you unfortunately have fallen victim to believing its correct.
I have been there, I also know the urge to go home, its tough here.

Originally Posted by SleepyWarrior

And how can we even BEGIN to work with love when really, a great deal of us dont even know what love is and how to define it? It comes in many forms, then what is love?

Sorry this is a long post, but I want help and for someone to challenge my ideas.

I cant say what will help you. I had my life altering experience on love at 34 its been a process since then to integrate it all. Before then I thought I knew what love was. I didnt. I met love face to face and felt so unworthy. The thing is that seeing another "flawed being" and seeing nothing but the creator in them being unable to judge anything about them, it brought me face to face with my own self judgement and why I couldn't love myself so unconditionally.

A tough 6 years later and having faced most of the true "****" as you say isn't unconditional love its our judgments and our separation from that unconditional love. Most people never cross paths with it.

People say they love family unconditionally but by definition being family is a condition.

All Ii can tell you is meditation to really connect to the energy of unconditional love is worth while. It took me 3 years to get to the point I could connect with it at anytime but I would highly recommend it. Then if you can try to see life struggles through that energy. Someone hurts you pull back into that unconditional love energy and poof all there is, is compassion and HUGE love and its ok.