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Originally Posted by babaji
im honestly so freaking close to experiencing oneness and true all compassing universal love! my heart is blocked though! i was very badly abused in the past. my heart has built many large walls to defend itself from the abusers attacks. idk how to remove them! one way would be to have a good cry but idk how to get that! ive tried reiki,acupuncture,fasting etc. im starting to think it matters less then modality and moreso the environment the modality is used within... I need to remove these walls of energy so bad! ive tried removing them myself but to no avail! yet!
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Did the source of universal love abuse you?
What I am driving at, is that I am also a victim of trauma and even though my heart was closed off and I also hit a wall, I realised that what happened to me was the polar opposite of what that oneness could provide and so, all of the trauma, all of the abuse, all of the self-pity and wallowing were only excuses as to why I felt I just didn't deserve it....but I also knew deep down that I could already feel it happening and I was holding it back...not allowing it to flow...so I was fully aware of it, whether I deserved it or not.
Sometimes though, the feelings need a bit of tender, loving coaxing to fully surface into tears...tears of release, tears of anguish, tears of pain, mixed with the most incredible love I have ever felt...it's like all emotions happen at once and you can't control it...and wouldn't want to, even if you could.
It does take quite a bit of surrender or 'letting go' as others have pointed out and sometimes, the total frustration of wanting it to happen but it is not, can lead to tears of frustration which can also start the whole process going. Also, repeat to yourself "it is not my fault" over and over until you believe it. I wish you all the best with love and peace.