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Originally Posted by asearcher
Hi Inavalan, how tragic with your friend and the family. I understand you thinking that. I have had alcoholism within my family and in a former relationship too and get totally what you mean that the person in question does not get drunk. Neither of these 2 people were "mean drunks", the one in the former relationship got help (Thank God) in time. I was before that seen as "the enemy" regarding to his family because he could not fool me - he could fool them, alright, but i knew because of previous experience of this that this is not something one can fight alone. But you know, his family thought I was exaggerating and there was shame involved. He especially would be partly in denial, and partly wanting to fight this alone without getting help. Fear. I could see through it all with him - the breath mints, the hands trembling, the sudden anxiety etc, etc. At the time, because he did not seek help then, the relationship went down the drain (I left). But later on he did get help. He came in contact with me later to thank me for trying to help him (no reconciliation as I had moved on and he too if I should take a guess).
The one I am referring to now is such a sweet guy otherwise that it is a bit surprising he can get like that. I have seen those who start out jolly and fine and suddenly get a mood swing but often they have been drinking a whole lot before that happens.
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I believe that in what happens to us, in our lives, there are symbolical messages for our inner-selves, similarly to the way in our dreams there are symbolical messages for our awake-selves.
If we pay attention to your dreams, we find out that our dreams are redundant, meaning that we get series of dreams that have the same symbolic message, although the dreams are different, with different characters and different situations. It is like whoever sends us the message wants to make sure that it reaches us, even if we miss it over and over.
It is likely that a similar thing happens to us in our awake lives. Excepting that this time the message is for our inner-selves, and we are the characters. This is why we often encounter similar "lessons" in different settings, with different people.
I know that when I look back I can see such patterns: situations that repeated over and over, with different characters, in different settings. Even noticing this, it is difficult to recognize the "lesson". Hopefully my inner-self gets it.
Using regression, I found out which is my "life-lesson", but I haven't tried to connect it with the patterns I noticed. I think that I will try it.
So, long story short: maybe those repeated encounters with men you appreciate that have the same drinking problem is a symbolic message for your inner self. Maybe it is even about drinking, but about having a major flaw ... (?) Maybe it is about you being attracted to such men ... (?) You could try to rationalize it, but I believe that rationalizations are unlikely to lead you to the correct answer. You need to look for it intuitively, tapping into your inner source of knowledge and guidance.
Most of us have in us an impulse to help, almost a need, and often we take on projects above our capabilities, which ultimately isn't good, neither for us, the well meaning helpers, nor for the unlucky subjects.