[Shivani Devi]

I do owe you a little explanation for my short-fuse, nitiananda...and if you were really psychic, as you claim to be...you would have already seen it.

For about 20 years, I smoked a LOT of weed...almost every day...pretty much stoned constantly!

That is what caused my nadis to get 'hammered' and become 'blocked' in the first place!

I smoked weed to deal with a very abusive childhood and my inability to cope with any kind of 'external reality' because I just did not have the developmental skills to do so...I never learned how.

So yeah, I was a total stoner, I also have Asperger's Disorder and an under developed amygdala of the brain...with PTSD AND Bi-Polar Disorder on top of it all to boot! and yet, I am way too mentally strong to be at the mercy of 'doctors' or 'psychiatric hospitals' when I know, deep down, there's nothing at all 'wrong' with me.

Now, instead of just smoking weed and 'chilling out' or going without and externalising my reality (because I could not)...I'd smoke it and get very heavily into yoga and meditation...doing difficult asanas, spending hours in meditation...doing trataka on a candle or image of Lord Shiva.

Eventually, my kundalini rose to the crown through the use of marijuana...but seeing as how I 'cheated'...it totally rose up the wrong way because half of my nadis were still blocked...and thus I fully understood the warnings given, through direct experience and I became the 'poster girl' of everything one should NOT be doing in regards to spiritual practice.

The whole experience of this and the resultant bliss of samadhi overshadowed any 'high' drugs could ever give me...it overshadowed any experience I previously had...and so I gave up smoking weed 'on the spot' basically - even though that was about 18 months ago...and I quit it for 12 months...but in the past 6 months I have smoked 4 times only (socially with my brother) and did no yoga/meditation and tried to just relax during those times.

Now, having had that whole experience, it has totally drained me out and given me Chronic Fatigue Syndrome...so even if I WANTED to do hard physical labour, I simply could not...but I am slowly building up my body's resilience and tolerance...but that's going to take time and those things that you speak of, are only for one who is in peak physical condition (which I am not).

I'm also living below poverty level myself and cannot afford to give money to 'enlightened beings' with the hope that some of their 'enlightenment' may rub off on me...I don't morally and ethically go that way...IF I had money, I'd rather give it to the poor and needy.

So, do you see it now? I have already reached that 'desirable state' so there's nothing more for me to achieve in regards to this, than perhaps moving from a state of Nirvikalpa Samadhi and INTO that state of Sahaja Samadhi - where kundalini stays in my brain for longer periods of time and not just for about half an hour or so, twice a week or so...with the rest of the time, leaving me feeling like something that the 'cat dragged in'....but with total feelings of love for Lord Shiva.

So, now you are aware of this...and NOW you can 'lecture me' as to what I can do about it. Thank you.