I would say you probably had a violent death in another life. I work at a nursing home, and I talk to the bedridden who can't go to activities. Some of them are partly in this world, and partly in the next. So they say unusual things. One lady was talking about how she is afraid to die, that she feels it is a surrender issue. Some of the people hang on for a very long time, even though they are in extreme pain, because they are afraid to die. And yet, "they say" that it is harder to be born, than it is to die. I got to telling her that I am afraid to go under for surgery, and we discussed how this is a surrender issue, too And what is that, but a fear of dying, while having surgery. Now, I don't know how to remedy it, and if anyone knows, I would be interested in learning, too. I would say there is a block in you (probably like me, as well) that won't let the truth come in, which is, God/Higher Spirits/Universal good that we are all connected to, that loves and keeps us now and in eternity.