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The root of these emotions of 'hatred' and 'anger' stems from a base of frustration with not having one's personal needs met and today, I learned it the hard way!
I love God, but at the moment, we are not on speaking terms.
The story...
Due to a bad credit history, my internet comes via the way of a pre-paid modem dongle...which is very expensive, I know.
Now, knowing nothing about it, or how to charge it myself, every week I take it into my ISP shop to get them to re-load it with credit and for three years I have had no problems doing so...until today.
So, I take it into the shop, they fix it up with a 'there, all done, you are right to go"...I come home, try to use the internet...nope, it don't work.
So, I take it back to my ISP...suffering a flat tyre on the way, not being able to find a park in the car park due to the 'silly season'...eventually, I find a park about a kilometer away, take the dongle back in with a 'I was in here an hour ago...you put credit on this...but it still doesn't work...what do?' and they took the dongle, fiddled around and said "Oh, we put the wrong recharge number in...sorry 'bout that, but it's all fixed up and you are right now"...so, I come back home, scraping the back of my heel painfully on the bottom of my screen door when it decided it wanted to close upon my foot before it was even over the threshold...I tripped up the stairs on my long skirt, plugged the dongle into my PC...attempted to go on the internet again...nope, it didn't work again!
So, I removed it, put it back in my bag and removed my bag from the back of a chair, pulling the chair over with it in the process and just left it, went to drive back to the ISP store, only to noticed some idiot had parked in my driveway...so I waited for an hour, they left, I went back to the shopping complex, couldn't find a park, as usual...arrived at the store and the line of customers was out the door...there were like 12 people before me!
Now having been through all the rigmerole, I decided to approach the counter directly, only to be told that I must wait in line like everybody else...this was testing the very limits and metal of my spiritual complacency and 'inner peace'...finally I got to the counter with "my dear, how many times to I need to DO this before my internet works?" only to be met with "calm down madam, it's Christmas and we haven't got the staff to deal with the demand"...is it any wonder why I hate this time of year?
Anyway, they took the dongle once more and the previous person who 'fixed it' put the sim card in upside-down and I was going "I wonder what your competitor's rates are on pre-paid internet?" to show my dissatisfaction with their service, but my comment was hitherto ignored...anyway, upon my dogged insistence to prove to me it actually worked before I left the store, which they eventually did under sufferance, I left the shop, came back home and exploded!
"Why do you DO this to me, Universe? What the hell karma did I do to DESERVE this s*** today, Universe? tell me...I'm all ears!"
The reply; "I've been telling you for weeks now to give the internet a break for a while...do you ever listen? nope and so I was left with no alternative to make your life a living hell until you get it through your thick, stubborn skull! You must do what I say or you suffer...you have NO free will! NONE! NOTHING happens without my say so...do I make myself CLEAR?"
My reply..."Well then I hate you! you can go to hell! get out of my life and stop screwing it around! just eff off NOW".
The reply "as you wish, but next time, I'll wrap your car around a telegraph pole instead of just giving you that flat tyre...so, have a nice life".
Then, I went to the gym to take it all out on a punching bag.
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