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Originally Posted by naturesflow
Yes. Your onto it and aware. Being open and vulnerable is a killer when your coming out of the old grooming awareness back into the world more open and clear to do things differently, because I notice things will strike you both in, planned and spontaneous ways to catch yourself out where you might otherwise hold back. I didn't like some aspects of this in the greater world around me, but ultimately, I had to learn to let go faster even as it felt extremely uncomfortable to be in those situations. It does get easier and less taxing on the "old self" to re establish itself in the world. The beautiful aspect this time around for me is that I am opening to see that even as I have had to walk through some re establishing of myself in the world, I am finding so much beautiful support in it as one. I remember in my awakening being pushed to keep going, get on my bike and keep pedalling, not to give up. Eleven years later I am doing the same, only I am doing now for real in the real world, not in the awareness of myself awakening to do it and prepare.
I feel very supported in ways I could never have known in not opening to "receive" and I know it starts with me recognising giving to myself. Then the world supports you as you surrender deeper to let go of control and old patterns where you don't have to strive so hard, live more in ways where life supports you in its own timing and connections especially designed for you. I am experiencing this now and its very beautiful to know the world supports you, where you have had to be the support of so many in your old patterns. When you not fully open in yourself to be both the giver and receiver as you, the conditioning is always infused in the support, when you surrender to that deeper learning, you free the space to let in more in ways that compliments you more clear to your own needs, as a beautiful balance..  |
Yes, I notice that as I allow more free flow of energy to pass through me, I find that there are more people to support me. The thing is, I am not letting go fast enough, so although those people are there, I am not able to benefit from their availability.
I am seeing my resistance to let go. Mostly fears. Fear of disapproval, judgment, condemnation, aggression, intimidation, etc. My physical body still holds a lot of wounds relating to those fears.
I was so so so disappointed with myself this morning when I didn't tell my boss what I am feeling. I was so disappointed with myself that I wanted to cry. He is very hard to catch, but this morning he phoned me out of the blue to check up on me. Fear of authority. Aside from that, I also didn't have the clarity, so didn't know what exactly to tell him.