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Him: "Hello, my beloved. It's a nice day out, is it not?"
Me: "Not NOW...I'm in a meeting with my peer support workers...can't we do this later?"
Him: *laughs* "Don't worry, I'll keep you updated throughout...so, I hear you don't like people."
Me: "You are inside me, inside my heart, you are my very Soul...you know how I feel and why... what I'm going to say to you in advance...why do we need to keep doing this?"
Him: "Do you like Kailash Kher, Ash Desai, Pundit Jasraj and Arya"?
Me: "That's a silly question...of COURSE I do!"
Him: "They are 'people' aren't they? but tell me, why do you like them so?"
Me: "It is because they sing devotional songs, act in a devotional way and make me feel things...they make me feel closer to you...make me feel that I am not alone in my love for you".
Him: "How do you know they really love me and are not just singing devotional songs and acting in a devotional way to make money from bhaktas like yourself?"
Me: "I don't know...it's just that I can relate to you and those humans help me to do that and that is why I like them".
Him: "...and yet, you know nothing whatsoever about them apart from how they make you feel when they are being 'devotional' to me right?"
Me: "So where are you going with this? if there's a point, I'd really like you to get to it'.
Him: "I know you already GET the whole point...let me simplify, people say 'see me in others' when what they really mean is 'don't let others stop you from feeling me inside'...it's exactly the same thing".
Me: "Okay, you have my full attention now, please continue".
Him: "Seeing me only in the hearts of my devotees because you can 'relate' with the experience of bhakti is the EASY part and you have passed that test...but the true measure of love is not to just confine me there, but to see me everywhere".
Me: "I try, I really try because I love you dearly, but it is difficult even for one who loves to be in constant remembrance of their beloved...even Narada Muni could not manage it when Lord Narayana tested him....'carry a full pitcher of water upon your head and walk for years' Narayana said...'don't let a single drop fall', Narayana said..."
Him: *laughs* "The canny one you are...but you are emptying the pitcher out before my eyes, saying "I don't need to do that because we BOTH know how much I love you, so this whole 'test' is unnecessary"...but is it? Is it really? I mean if Lord Narayana had thought so, he wouldn't have given Narada Muni the trial in the FIRST place".
Me: "That still doesn't address the issue I have with only seeing you in your devotees, in babies and in animals and not in the general human population..."
Him: "It's easy for you to see it because they have a pure heart...it's not so easy when they do not. Do you think for one moment that makes ME love them any less? and after all, I AM you, remember?"
Me: "About that...if you are me, then who is doing the talking and who is doing the listening then hmm??
Him: "When the bird lives, the bird eats the ants. When the bird dies, the ants eat the bird. The Kalachakra keeps turning constantly. Study the Svetasvara Upanishad again...that is your assignment. It seems your peer support session is drawing to a close and your focus is required elsewhere...If only you could feel how much I love you".
********* Later that day, before sleep******
Him: "When the bird lives, the bird eats the ants. When the bird dies, the ants eat the bird.
Have you seen those painted vehicles...if you look at them from one angle, they appear to be purple, from another angle, they appear green? Sometimes, you can look at them and get a colour that is both purple and green simultaneously and say 'what colour am I looking at now?'
It is all a matter of perspective and the awareness OF it. Am I you? or are you me? is there any difference in regards to the fact that we are one whichever way it goes?
So, whether you are the eater or the eaten depends on the life-force, the conscious awareness of either the bird OR ant...and as time passes, neither bird nor ant will physically represent. All that will remain is the space which once occupied them.
You may be of noble lineage and realise that you are or you may be of low birth and realise that you are. Your vibration may be in Tartarus or orbiting the Pleiades but what does it matter? What does knowing any of it matter? You may be a great soul...even a sage like Ramanuja or Shankara.....but this is Kali Yuga. In another ten thousand years, nobody will remember they even existed, so what does it matter?
You may dislike people...so? You may like people...so? You may post on an internet forum or not...so? You may be Shiva...so? You may be Shivani...so? and yes, I KNOW that life becomes dull and monotonous when you realise there's absolutely no purpose or meaning behind any of it whatsoever...so?
Abiding in the Self means to abide in all the love I have for you, totally irrespective of the reciprocated feelings thereof. Then, there will be no more 'so?' because all there will be is; 'so be it".
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