Men can find women with integrity and high moral standards. However, most men everywhere look at women as a source of sex and comfort. That is the same situation these women describe in their own countries.
If men pursue women first as friends and get to know and love them as people and as beloved friends, without pressing them for sex and chores and splitting bills, without love or commitment...then of course men can find lovely women of quality and honour anywhere on earth.
The difference is that the men who seek women from elsewhere have something inherent in them that the local men do not...they are foreign and can offer a better quality of life in a more democratic and less coercive social setting, with at least some guaranteed rights and freedoms of citizenship. These things really appeal to many women worldwide, who lack those freedoms and often that standard of living.
The man only has to commit and take her seriously...but the thing is, a commitment to self and others, and having respect and honour for self and others, make
all the difference.
That level of commitment that the man brings to his mail order bride is what makes it different for him than with many men dating women in their own county. Yes, it is more of a business agreement, with both sides presumably very clearly knowing what they are signing onto. Though of course, the parties can develop a sincere love and affection if they build a solid connection that is just as I described...based on getting to know and love one another as friends and as people first and foremost (otherwise, no "love" can endure for long, particularly with sincerity and passion.)
But the main thing is, the man brings his commitment to the process. He feels he is in control and that he has something to offer. The process is structured, and he always has final say -- as there are many women who are on offer. The expectation is that the ladies are adoring and grateful, presumably forever
...because the man has arrived and saved them from poverty, oppression, and/or at least from the hordes of disrespectful cads who don't take the ladies seriously and just want to use them for sex.
But the men from the West have just as often treated the women in their own countries like prostitutes...used them and then talked them down. LOL...
So...it's not so much about how a couple met or where they're from (those these are all a part of everyone's personal stories and that's fine)...Rather, in the West and in these ladies' home countries, both...the man is typically not bringing his commitment to the process when he goes out with women at home. He knows he often has to step up to "court" a good woman, to treat her with respect (not just pushing for sex). To get to know her more as an equal in these modern times. And many men don't want to be bothered.
Many a man feels he is not in total or overwhelming control, unless the woman is giving herself away and on offer 24/7...to confirm his control and domination over her. Without having this advantage up front (of sexual exploitation and penetration, without authentic love), instead a man at home feels that he has only himself to offer, which is basically the same as the woman. Without the man making demands ("commands") which she must then meet (or "obey", like a servant or sex slave), they would just be two earnest people who are bringing their hearts and minds to the table.
Thing is, without a boatload of advantage to hold over others to control and manipulate the situation, many men will not engage with women (at home and wherever they live), as simple equals and potential friends and partners. They do not want to be real, to be courteous, to honour others at the level they wish to be honoured. Weird, eh? And they definitely don't want to have to take time to know and care for most women, whom they only view as potential sex outlets. Clearly, if these attitudes and positions were to change, real engagement and real love would stand a real chance.
YET...IMO it's really ALL about the love and the respect a man brings. It's ALL about the clarity and focus...and clearly about the level of commitment...that a man brings to his dealings with women. If a man wants to court a woman, to get to know her for the purpose of growing an authentic love for her as a person and as a potential partner...then he can find a woman of beauty, heart, and character anywhere. Who loves him for who he is. But in order to do that, the man naturally has to give all the love, the honour, the respect, the time, and the presence that he in turn wishes to receive.
That is the key...authentic love between open hearts is reciprocal and transparent...it is both giving and receiving. It does not seek the power or the advantage in every situation. Yet anytime a man can take a shortcut to get all that without giving all that in exchange...many will (if not most). Anytime a man can press his advantage to get what he wants without giving a lot of those intangibles in return (love, honour, respect, time, presence)....many will.
Instead, to break the cycle of fear and the need to dominate and control women, men need to think of women first and foremost as people and as friends...would you use your friend? Do you have to dominate and control your dearest friends and fam at all times? Would you as a man try to give as little as possible and just take what you want? Would you press your advantage to try to control and structure their lives to suit you, regardless of their needs or who they were?
That's not how you treat your beloved friends, or your beloved family. And that's not how men should still be looking to treat women in the 21st century. But we're largely not there yet. We're in a transition phase and men are still looking for ways to press their advantage or exchange their position for what they want without having to give an iota more than they care to do. Many men are still looking at women sexually most of the time, without rising to their centres where they can meet all others, including women, as people and as beloved friends first and foremost. Thus honouring the women with whom they do partner with an authentically loving and committed partnership -- within which sexual intimacy is welcome.
If a man honours a woman and takes the time to get to know her, he can and will find an authentic love in the vast majority of cases...overwhelmingly. Right here at home for the most part, wherever "home" is for the men around the world. But if a man does not do these things...if instead he looks always to the much younger, less stable, less mature women -- or to vulnerable women he can reliably control or dominate -- or always to women who will give him sex early on and figures he will "see how it plays out" -- then he is disrespecting both himself and the women. And his odds of building a real and authentically loving connection are very slim indeed, of course.
It's all inside...it all starts in the heart...and it all ends with how we approach and treat one another. Be love now, and love is wherever you are. Including day-to-day, on the ground. Those are my thoughts.
Peace & blessings
7L