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Old 23-06-2016, 02:18 PM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2015
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Quote:
Originally Posted by confusionsay


Hi, this is my first post. I may not need to post another. I am a taoist. Not because I sought it out, but because I already understood most its principles so when i learned about it, i realized, "ahhh this is the word for the things i already know"

so a little about me. In saying this I am opening up and being vulnerable.

the dilemma is my situation.

I am 49. I live alone, never married, no kids, i have no friends, no family, no income(i am on a VERY small pension) I am unable to work certain jobs for health reasons, and what i have done before, I hated, or learned that ego is what drove me. I have no real fulfilling path in life. and its painful, i accept it being painful but it still is.


The tao suggests, that I do NOTHING. literally. so I am doing by not doing for the first time in my life i am just being.

I could DO something, IF I knew what that thing is that would fulfill me, but thats the problem. I do not know yet.
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So, Its checkmate- I know that I must do no-thing, yet I desire to do something, but that something is ego driven and because i know this- I do not want to do anything (yet). this state i am in is NOT fulfilling. it is empty.


So what now? live a life of doing nothing? which seems now almost less fulfilling than when i lived with ego. I guess my worry is, nothing will be the only things that ever happens.

all things change, but thats not entirely true, a mans spine cannot be repaired. or a person cannot grow taller. some people never marry. some never find thier true path.

but what is there to do now? I desire nothing.

I want to desire.
so i can have a fulfilling journey doing something I love, not something based on ego. but I have no insight as to what it might be.

and Ive been trying for years to find it. but to no avail. its so confusing and painful. I accept it, but it does not make it any easier. I wonder if maybe there just is nothing for me and this is a good as it gets, why does only nothing keep happening?
thx for reading
great Peace!
Find that still centre within yourself and manifest it through outward expression and only then you will know.

Your life is exactly like mine, yet I am 3 years older than you. That's the only difference.

For years I sat doing nothing because well...the Tao said it was good for me to do...but Tao gets boring and lonely after a while too doesn't it? so it's not really Tao then.

In accordance with this, you must also realise the desire to be desireless is also a desire - one of the very last ones to go, in fact.

You can only 'be' for so long in your own awareness of being, until the pull of 'being something else' becomes too great...but then you're no longer 'being' are you? but then again, were you ever 'being' to start with?

It's still going to be 'chop wood, carry water' whichever way you look at it, but the whole before and after focus is different...perspective changes and you start to see things in a different way....from a different viewpoint.

Can 'no Way' be 'the 'Way'? of course!...every Way is a Way, with full knowing-awareness...but how you choose to live the Way is totally up to you....may as well have some fun while you're at it.
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I am the creator of my own reality, so please don't get offended if I refuse to allow you to be the creator of it instead of focusing on creating your own. Thanks.
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