how exactly do pendulums work
much study has gone into questions like that.
here's what Wikipedia has to say on it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pendulum
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Is it all your own mind and wants that swing the pendulum? I feel like mine lies to me
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this sounds like you're needing to integrate your perceptions, mind, desires, and feelings into a unified whole.
perceptions can be decieving, but you need to trust yourself. if you are unable to function or need assistance, seek out medical help.