uhmar,

honestly my growth is been quite pronounced. but at the same time iv seen something, that i question greatly. iv been through a lot scene then. and it hasn't stopped. most of my growth comes from running from a demonic type entity. im doomed to live with this thing for the rest of my life. and i cant find anything about him. he rules every aspect of my life. to the point he demands i lay in bed and not even think. or move. i fight back but this thing can actually keep me from swallowing. when i eat i have to take a drink of something to trigger the reflex to swallow. its not normal. im scared, i want it to end. the bible doesn't help. god doesn't help. nothing helps. i learn who i am and what i am and this thing takes it away.

if i was about my personal being then he is right. im in a loosing battle with something outrageous.

i dont know. im tired,