My cousin passed a couple of weeks ago - by her own hand. I am hurting enormously for her if I go into that space. But if I go into a space of respect for her decision then I can sense her more readily. I physically have to make it "safe" for her as I sense too much emotion for her to show through. I sense other cousins and my aunt (her mother) are just in too much pain. I am not surprised.
I am removed enough to be able to chose whether I go to the pain or quietly honour her.
That's not decrying the emotion of grief. It's an emotion rich from the heart. It's an emotion of love. And everyone walks their own way in the journey of grief.
My cousin's funeral is tomorrow and I will have my own ceremony for her at that time. I expect the funeral will release her somewhat.