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Originally Posted by Windbreeze
I think I have traced one of the triggers that cause my depression. I think my depression stems from personality disorders. It seems I am highly sensitive personality due to anxiety and panic attacks and obsess about insignificant things that normal person would just forget about. When these things happen I feel bad about myself because know I would behaved differently were it not for above symptoms that cause me to make irrational choices sometimes. I assume victim and ruminate about event.
I ruminate because somehow I care about my self-image in that situation. Should I behaved stupidly, I would recall and think my behavior over and about other choice I should have taken that would prevent me from behaving in a certain way. But that would make me feel better only temporary since it's in the past.
I am not sure why as I am not a celebrity or important person that newspapers would write all over for their every action. I am wondering why do I care so much about self-image. Does anyone know? Is there anyone who resonates with my behavior?
Thanks.
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It sounds to me that you're being very hard on yourself, you have expectations of how you think you should be versus who you are. Its not so much about ego I would say, but what you've been conditioned to think...a kind of world view of what the perfect person should look like. It creates a war within yourself, forever putting yourself down because you don't meet expectation. There's the you that was created by the influences of those who took care of you when you grew up and there's the you who came to enjoy a unique perspective and wanted to explore...those are the two who are in conflict.
What I've learned is we are all unique individuals, not one of us is the same so why try to conform to a particular world view? Be yourself, relax and follow your instincts...or better still, follow what excites you in the moment and trust where it leads. There's no one in the world like you and that makes you important because you have a unique perspective that Source wants to explore that no-one else can fill. You are certainly not Nobody. Source loves us all or we wouldn't exist.