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Hey Serendipity Lizard,
I did these 2 beautiful meditations last night, and the energy I felt was amazing and enormous and I feel so good this morning, even though my life hasn't changed one iota from when I went to bed until I woke up this morning (except for this crazy dream LOL).
The reason I'm pointing this out is because spirituality is an inside job. And if it doesn't make you feel better to know about all this stuff and start learning more about it and feeling it and feeling better within yourself, then you are not going to change your outside world.
I have been "awoke" since about 2012, I have changed so much as a person, yet in some ways I haven't changed at all. My relationships have changed, and yet they haven't.
I think what has really changed is my perspective of myself. I feel stronger and whole, for the first time. I had always felt like something was missing, and I found that part. I had always looked to tomorrow to fix whatever was wrong with today, instead of enjoying today as much as I possibly can. Enjoying the people I am with and really connecting with them.
I will say one thing that has changed. My family is the same and I thank God for that everyday. We are all spiritual, and our relationships have deepened as life has happened and we have evolved to a place I never would have understood in 2011. But to the outside world, nothing changed. All our non immediate family members know we are weird and we embrace the weird and they are ok with that. I thought they would be so judgmental - it turns out, if you are yourself and enjoy what you are doing and share that with these folks, most of them just understand that you are happy and that's really all that matters to them.
Spirituality helped me find a job, and the job I found had such wonderful people in it (well, there was this one....but obviously I had to work through the energy of that). So to the outside world, I still work in the field I was in all my life, but I work with different people. I no longer have the authoritative, bullying boss, or the chatty Kathy co-workers. I chose, from what I didn't like about my past jobs, to work with people I respected and who respected me. That was on my list of job requirements, among working close to home so I didn't have to take the freeway - and I got back 2 hours of my day just with that.
So spirituality changes what you want to put up with and what you are no longer willing to. I have left friends behind because of their bigotry, and found many new ones to take their place.
So your life doesn't completely have to change. It is just, it is a sort of emerging from the closet. I tell my daughter, who is gay and married to her wife and who has a child and who is psychic and clairvoyant and a medium and channeler and a Reiki Master and the sweetest, most graceful person I have ever met that I don't think she has any more closets to come out of LOL.
So you can't eat the whole apple with this. Just take one bite at a time, for yourself, to make yourself happy. Just do one thing to make yourself happy, and follow your guidance.
They will lead you to where you are wanting to go.
As far as feeling crazy, I choose to call it weird instead and I embrace the weirdness of it. I want to be weird, because being normal like everyone else for 50 years was not as exciting as being weird for a few years has felt.
For me it is about JOY. And it is not all a bed of roses. It is learning about yourself by what you have surrounded yourself with, what you feel about certain things, why you care about certain things, and if you want to change any of that.
Along the way, I learned that i wanted to learn to channel. I was out of work, and bored, and this idea lit up my world. And I was on a quest, and I felt so alive and invigorated. This quest stirred up a lot of my baggage. I had to deal with my life theme (which I had avoided all my life - I had become so good at avoidance that when I realized what I had done, I was shocked at how good I was at it.) I could not learn to channel until I cleared my path of the debris field LOL. That is a journey all its own, and it wasn't fun, having to grow, but I did it, tears and all. It changed my life and my relationships and how I dealt with people and it was all good, looking back. Living it didn't feel so good, but I didn't loose that wanting to learn to channel. I didn't see the connection at the time, and why I couldn't connect.
When I did channel, it was amazing. It was a complete session, and it flowed gently and easily from my pen onto the paper. And when I read it back, I wept. It was so loving and meant so much to me.
And I had about a week's worth of feeling on top of the world when doubt crept in. What if I was crazy? Wouldn't people think I was crazy? Isn't this what they get the white suits out for and take you away? What had I been thinking? Of course this was nuts. ---- And I told myself I was crazy. For about a day. And it didn't feel good. So I told the Sky, never mind. Don't call me, I'll call you.
And for 24 hours, I shut down my connection completely. And on the 2nd day, I couldn't handle it. My life felt so flat. All the newfound eagerness and anticipation and Joy had gone.
And I had to decide. I had a decision. I could embrace the crazy and be happy, or let it go and be flat.
So that is your choice, and I think at some point, one everyone that believes in all this stuff makes.
Do you want to go back to being flat stanley?
Just some thoughts from the peanut gallery.
Oh, and if you are looking for like minded real people to play with, try MeetUp. In my area, there are literally hundreds of MeetUp groups and every spiritual topic you could think of. Your neighbors, in your town. Pretty cool. Yes, some charge a fee to go, but MeetUp does charge fees, and sometimes they ask for donations instead of a small fee for each meeting. Some are free. I started one called Abrahamsters because I wanted to meet people who knew about Abraham and I didn't know anyone beside me and my family who knew about them. And I held it in the park under a beautiful tree. And the weather didn't cooperate the first time (I guess my energy was split) and so I had to cancel and I tried again. And people showed up. This was five or so years ago, and I still am connected to some of these people. Lovely, whole, fun, awesome people.
So that part of my life has changed, but from the outside, I look the same.
But I am not flat anymore.
Hope this helps :)
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