Originally Posted by spiralfungi

hi again
haven't had the chance to focus on the spiritual side of things of late. been caught up with living.

but in all the time that i have been spiritually absent, i have come to learn a few things; through the doldrums of life and through those tiny specks of light when... SOMETHING happens. often unexplainable but completely understood in the absence of words.

-definitions and words do not really matter. what matters is that we both know and feel the bond. however, i realize now that it is also a dangerous bond. the further and longer we are apart, one would thrive and the other would wither. but the closer we come together again, and it is an explosion that would shatter and hurt the people close by.[i know it sounds like a movie ripoff. haha but it's true] we have not truly connected or talked for a year [8 years if it's on a spiritual basis] and when we did, it was such a rush that we forgot where we really were for two days. and then we crashed and burned.
-i know that despite him being the one who is constantly acknowledging the bond, he is not ready and doesn't know how to handle it. that despite him being the physically dominant and older one, he is fragile and young.
-i know now all the answers to the questions that i used to ask; unanswered questions and chapters i was unable to close. a momentary sense of relief and enlightenment that made me smile with my eyes closed. but they opened up new questions and chapters. BUT now i am able to let go if i need to.
this craving and hunger for that connection again is overpowering and it's something i need to learn to control. it took me a whole year to grow without him and i was doing great until he returned and ... it's just been a crazy beautiful mess of disorder and disarray and bright lights. and it feels like i am nursing a major hangover from a huge crazy drug induced party.
-i need to find a balance between living and spirituality.
-i need answers to my new questions!