[jimrich]

When I first went into support groups and encountered some weeping Survivors, I had a deep need to cry also and at first believed that I was somehow FEELING their feelings. I was a little embarrassed at their open weeping and held onto my feelings as much as possible. But after a while and some education in the groups, I came to realize that my need to weep was coming form my own repressed and painful well of unhealed grief so I, like some of the others, began to LET my tears come out - sometimes in torrents! It amazed me to see how many Survivors and others resented and resisted my grief and tears but, once I decided I had a right to cry, nobody could stop or SHAME me for weeping in their presence.
My biggest surprise was to realize that the folks who resented or resisted my tears were AFRAID that I would trigger their carefully held in and protected pain and tears and might force them to begin SHAMEFULLY WEEPING too. They didn't want to feel the Shame of openly crying for "no good reason" and feared the open weeping of others that might break them down and get them crying too. What a shock!
I had the silly idea that I was hurting and offending others when it was their own bottled up pain and grief that was hurting them - NOT ME! Once I realized that they were actually hurting them selves and tying to punish or STOP me, my tears flowed much better and freer until most of it is gone now.
Since my late wife crossed over, I've had a few grief attacks and my tears are allowed to come out now without any guilt or fear of the bad reactions from others.
It's weird that our culture has not taught us how to process pain and grief in a healthy and reasonable way! I guess we are all still carrying those STOIC Pioneer attitudes and survival beliefs about BEING TOUGH and in control. How sad!