I think yo are being overly
self-indulgent, and that that
isn't truly worshiping God as you claim and 'comfort' your
self by believing
that's what you are doing. For one thing, your mother
is (I believe
)
an expression of THE Life-Shiva-Shakti-'Force' - albeit a 'problematic' one
designed (and agreed to in advance, IMO) to make
you 'stretch' your 'self'
beyond its
past-life 'comfort' zones, which you keep retreating into (and so 'failing' to 'stretch' beyond). Even if that;s not 'accurate' in terms of
the real truth, I trust you will someday come to appreciate that that is the 'best' I can think to 'give' you (as well as what I think you
most 'need' to 'receive' at
this (present!) point in your (hopefully!) developmental (in due course at least) journey..
These often commingle - which 'fact' predominates depends on whether your motivation is
selfish or
unselfish, or more one than the other, I think.
I
am considering the fact from the past (in
this life) which you have shared that you have been 'serviced' by some quite 'sweetly' 'giving' therapists. Hence my conclusion that you are presently a 'spoiled', never satisfed, ever continuing to be
self-indulging, 'brat'.
If you could only see what I see ... and that is that you
just want to be given 'special' 'candy-coated' treatment and reject and 'guilt-trip' anything else! I think, you wouldn't be able to recognize a truly 'loving' parent (or 'older' brother?) if one was plopped right in front of your face!
"Ye have forgotten the exhortation [in your case you never received it, and are only receivniog it now, through 'me'
] which speaketh unto you as unto children, 'My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye b-a-s-t-a-r-d-s, and not sons."
