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Old 29-07-2016, 11:11 PM
Anonconkymous Anonconkymous is offline
Newbie ;)
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 3
 
O.o

I have a letter too...!
O.o
I was the male runner and now I have surrendered.
Thank you for sharing.
It helps more than you know...

Quote:
Dear _______,

I'm so sorry that I pushed you away. When things happened with her, she left me all alone too. The whole time I kept trying to keep in contact with you but I lost all hope after you never replied. I lost all my spirituality. I became a crazy atheist. I fought with all my family and friends because EVERYTHING I had believed was true, felt like a lie. “She” became a monster to me. My days were nightmares and I never slept again. I feel like I was awake for weeks at a time, because I was. My dad constantly tells me to this day I need to sleep and take care of myself because I am going to die of a heart attack. This was all after you told her "Tell ____ to stop trying to reach me". That rang in my ears for more than a year. After that I went on so many meds to try and silence the pain. But it never worked for more than a couple weeks. It felt like a vibration from a church bell. It just kept getting stronger and stronger. It would stop me in my tracks, almost knocking me to my knees. It would start in my heart then shout through my whole body and out my hands, it felt like lightning bolts were going to shoot out of my hands. This continued until May 9th 2016 when a very close friend of mine died of a heart attack. He was someone that I told a lot of "secretes" to. I was so freaked out. I didn't know what to do. So I went deep inside my head... I mean really deep... Some would call it ego dissolution... The only thing left at the end was you... I couldn't stop it anymore. So I started to try and contact you again. I didn't mean to haunt you the way I did. But that's the only way I know how to reach out. After all that I think I needed those 2 years to sort my sh*t out. Since May I have tried to make myself available to you and all you did was block me from any form of communication. I constantly think of you and what is going on with your life. She tells me you were disgusted by me and you never had any feelings. So WHY? WHY can't I shake you!?! I can forget ANYONE and move on without a care. But you... That's a whole new ballgame for me. I have no clue what I am doing after I left her. I have to be with my kids as much as possible. I have to see her almost every day. It kills me every time I see her texting you. She likes to flaunt it like some sort of prize. I am all alone now... I have pushed everyone I care about away. Nothing feels right. I can't sleep still. The meds don't work / make things worse. I just wish this time was over and we could be happy again. I am sorry for asking your friend about you and telling to deliver a message but I didn't know what to do after I showed my true face. I talked to my sister about you because I literally had no one. She requested to be your friend on facebook after I told her not to. I didn't know my sister had done that. I am constantly beat up with how crazy you think I am. I just don't understand how I went from friend to a stalker. I have surrendered to this voice inside my head. I am ready to talk about stuff. Or just sit and be quiet together. You are missing from me. I'm here. You blocked me this time. All you have to do is send a text and all will be better. I never needed much more than a "poke" or an eyebrow lift while you drank from your straw. I love you, you know me... This is so hard...
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