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Originally Posted by vulkus
Were you first diagnosed with Schiz or did that come after the substance use?
I see you were diagnosed at 25, research suggests that schiz manifests in the late teens. I know I had issues when I was 17. Yet no Dr would refer me, so I went largely unoticed until I was around 28 and I went for voluntary diagnosis. By 35 things had come to a head, and I required intervention. I'm 44 now and I have been self managing for about 7 years.
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There are scales/spectrum's & great ranges in these things.
I had some issues in childhood - I won't go into it all - But a lot I feel stemmed from in-utero & early brain development - Had a violent alcoholic father that beat my mum; during the pregnancy as well - my mum was very stressed & harnessed during pregnancy - had a traumatic birth; she went through a very stressful divorce shortly after me & my bro were born, & was stressed out & unwell a lot for the first 3 years of our life trying to cope & bring up 2 kids on her own with medical complications. She had numerous stays in hospital during that time as well. When me & my bro were around 3 years old she met a man who she went into a 34 year relationship with - I never got on with him - I thought he was an arshole. At the age of around 6 I had a very bad accident & almost broke my neck - that was one turning point - I also had some very powerful experiences of extreme anxiety & paranoia as a kid, sleep problems & nightmares almost from day one.
At the age of 10 my mum went totally bankrupt - had to move to less than suitable accommodation - I first got drunk & smoked cannabis at the age of 11; & that is also when bad anxiety & depression started. By the age of 15 I was a habitual & heavy user of drugs & alcohol - speed, LSD, mushrooms, E's, poppers, heavy cannabis use, tamazepam - all sorts. I went into some very deep depressions. I was also getting very much into the teachings of Crowley & Robert Anton Wilson - as well as some other stuff.
At the age of 17 I experienced a massive psychotic break - beleived that I'd lost my soul to the Devil - & had a vision of the future & the 'end of the World'. Was arrested numerous times; & then violently sectioned under the MH act; for 4 months on a locked ward & given a lot of very heavy drugs. I also have very good reasons for thinking that I was severely sexually abused by the staff & raped by them during this time.
The next 20 years followed the same patterns - a serious suicide attempt at the age of 21 - another hospitalisation, then again at the ages of 25 & 26. At the age of 28 I got clean & sober - & over the next 3 years had 3 of the worst breakdowns/psychosis of my life. I was catatonic at certain stages.
For the the past 8 years I've had some stability - but not much of a life really.
There is a vast amount of stuff that I could go into about what has gone on.
I think I have ever right to say that I'm severely damaged & f*cked up from everything that has gone on.