Were you first diagnosed with Schiz or did that come after the substance use?
I see you were diagnosed at 25, research suggests that schiz manifests in the late teens. I know I had issues when I was 17. Yet no Dr would refer me, so I went largely unoticed until I was around 28 and I went for voluntary diagnosis. By 35 things had come to a head, and I required intervention. I'm 44 now and I have been self managing for about 7 years.

I am quite concerned though with this comment.
But I'm very damaged from everything that has gone on - I feel very f*cked up from life & the ways that I've been reacted to & treated.
I say this more from the POV that you say you are very damaged. I know this is going to sound like I am having a go at you but I am not.
The thing about being damaged and saying you are damaged creates further damage.
The chinese believed in the power of both written and spoken word, such that anything written had power.
By saying you are very damaged creates further damage in your mind. This thought model prevents you from healing correctly because your subconscious mind wants to bring to pass everything you 'want'.
Imagine there is a little pleb sitting at your feet and this pleb records everything you say and do, for the purpose of bringing these thoughts and feelings to life.
By thinking I am very damaged you are invoking the power of 'I am'. The power of 'I am' is a creative principle. It is akin to invoking your godhood.
Even the word 'I' this is representative of you and all that you are.
I am very conscious of everything I write and say. This is because I understand both the importance of written and spoken word but also by the power that they hold.

By saying 'I'm' which is just a contraction of 'I am', you are creating an energetic principle. That little pleb that is recording everything, replays all that it has recorded to the subconscious to release energetic resources to bring about the self prophesised event. aka the damage.

I know how the above sounds, but one such way I found that helped me was to realise how words work, both written and spoken. Each has a form of power. A good example of this is both a prayer and an incantation.