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Originally Posted by Lynn
Hello
I would take a step back and see "yourself" as the whole and see what you need from life as an individual. If we are not whole and individual in our being in what we do for us, then when someone comes in often we simply take on their baggage and our life stalls.
We live a life feeling that we need another to make us whole but we are already whole as one being. We need that someone that compliments our path.
I look to 11 11 and to the aspects of it spiritual numbers long before an event that now seems to define them. We all had our individual feelings around that day and still at times do. The most important thing is that it might finally have been put to bed, and we can move forwards.
The lessons there are that we do move forwards life does go on. We have to choose to let that life go on. To pull up our pants and know that we are the only body in those pants.
Many times we feel that we can take on the "I can save them" role in life, trust me I did 33 years in a relationship of that, its a path that I lived and grew in, but its not one I would wish on anyone as a path. Your a strong individual and you owe yourself the best first then adding someone to that experience that will not just take the life energy from you.
Lynn
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I was doing a pretty good job of focusing purely on myself for the months following the original breakup and me moving out. I've been on my own since May and have made the conscious choice to stay single on purpose because normally I do tend to define myself based on my relationships and I'd never spent any length of time utterly single as an adult. I definitely got wrapped back up in him and fell back into that old habit which isn't exactly surprising but yes I need to get back to myself again.
I'm a helper by nature and I've definitely had a habit of being attracted to men who need healing and it never works out well. I guess it thought it was safe to help a friend because it was supposed to be a different dynamic and I mean, what are friends for if not to support each other? I never expected to find myself having these kinds of feelings for him again.
I've been having some really negative thoughts about being a part of the catalyst for his positive change and then not even getting to enjoy the fruits of my labour - in essence, I fixed up someone who was terrible to me just so someone else could enjoy the new, better version of him. it's brought up feelings around an old abusive relationship I had with someone who was never abusive with anyone else the way he was with me. like, what does it say about me that people abuse me and generally treat me terribly, but then move on and treat other people better? what is it about me that brings out the absolute worst in people that no one else seems to be able to trigger?
it's REALLY hard to find a positive way of looking at that. I can't get past it mentally.