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Shivatar,
Thanks for sharing your personal experience too. I remember having similar dark thoughts, but it was much more different than your experience. There was no AP, but what happened was the same feeling of being showered by love. And the idea of the negative energies I had being totally sucked in by my guides.
I can’t explain much in detail because it was undescribable. It was not a thought or an experience. It was a profound feeling of calmness — a feeling that a thousand years have passed by in minutes. And how I learned that linear time was only a human perspective.
I felt a vision of darkness leaving me, as if these were thorny vines leaving my own spirit. I didn’t want to die from despair, depression, anger, or fear. I wanted to die because of disinterest. I loved being curious. I’ve always loved being filled with wonder in life — in this lifetime and many others in the past. But what’s the point when my own pain is repetitive and nothing new is learned.
I physically broke down and collapsed. But I remember hearing a voice that was making fun of me with the quirkiest insults. I expected that voice to tell me to live and talk about how compassionate she was to me, but no, she teased me in the most playful way possible.
And in that moment, a slight amount of curiosity came over me. I wanted to live to understand what kind of voice would insult a suicidal person at a time like this, and I laughed for a bit. Later I had the energy to get up, and went to watch over the nature around me — as much as the voice liked making crude jokes about nature.
This is not the type of experience I expect a stop from ending my life would be, but that’s why I lived. I still had the idea that I came here on this Earth to learn about absurd ideas like this, and that I still had to share them.
Don’t know why I had the urge to share this to you though, but oh well. My intuition makes me do strange things sometimes after all.
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