One of my greatest struggles in my life is my connection with God, I simply can't devote myself to one religion as that would be limiting myself to just one perception of God. I want to get to know God myself and form my own perception...
...Which brings me to this song; He is, from Ghost.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CSFkjPm0A0
This song is so hard for me to listen to, it's an amazing song and everything is almost perfect, but it makes me feel so unbelievably conflicted. I can't allow myself to fully enjoy this song because of the satanic under- and overtones. Why should the devil be evil? Why should God be inherently good? What if what I've followed all this time wasn't God at all? What if I get my strength from the devil? I'm afraid of this sympathy I feel for the devil.
He is the shining and the light without whom I cannot see...
Definitely applies to me. I had a spiritual experience last year, a ball of pure white light appeared right before my eyes in my own bedroom, it took all my grief, sorrow and doubt and it converted it into understanding and love. It appeared the morning after the death of my grandmother. My perception of God is love and light, but I understand that on the other side of this coin it translates to death. God can be vengeful as written in the Bible. What's worse, is that Satan is known as the lightbearer.
Can someone help me figure this out? I think I'm taking the right direction but these doubts are plaguing me.