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You've already taken the first step, reaching out to them. It is as with any relationship; as you continue to talk and open up with them, they become easier to recognize and connect with. Using meditation is a useful way to do that, and there are many guided ones for connecting with guides and spirits. A big thing to mind is that in the beginning, it often feels like you're making things up. Spirits are often very subtle, and a practitioner's fears of being wrong or seen as crazy can make them doubtful of what they experience. Just keep practicing, and you'll begin to notice a sense of knowing - intuition - growing. It's the best way I've seen to connect with spirits, among other things, and is what I recommend most.
It can also be helpful to focus on something related to the spirit. In the case of your cousins uncle, a photo can be useful. For the native american, you can try to find a picture of something relevant to their tribe if you know what it is. For example, if they're a Hopi you could look at an image of Kokopeli. Anything that helps you get a sense of them - however brief that may be - will help you grow that connection.
And remember that just by trying, just by seeking to get close to them, you've already helped them.
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"Sometimes you will act as an angel to others, perhaps without even realizing it. One day a woman comes up to you and says 'You saved my life'. You look at her astonished, trying to remember the last time you even saw this person before, the meeting meant so little to you at the time. 'Don't you remember? I was standing on the bridge, staring at the water, and you passed and said 'Good morning'."
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