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Originally Posted by John32241
Hi,
That is quite correct. You will not get a serious interest in any thing you have to say. May I suggest another kind of approach.
The issue here is that concept of oneness. What does it truly mean to you? What if there was an aspect of self which resented how you are treating them. Would you be willing to consider such a thing, and want to be more accomidating?
John
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It's hard to be accomodating with something raping you. The thing is, I can't meditate or find space to even truly muse over what might be wrong because if I try to I get harassed. I can't meditate for answers because my body forcefully moves when I try to sit still. I can't very well accomodate something when I can't even figure out what to accomodate.
It keeps saying it wants sex. But I know it doesn't want sex, because there are times I try to just give into it. Then it becomes a game of trying to upset me or push me to a place where I lose all self respect entirely and lose myself or self esteem.
Oneness to me can mean different things. It can be a spiritual state that recognizes the source in all things, though that's not necessarily a state I idolize to return to, being literally one with everything.
Or in my mind, it means being back in full control of my body and being whole and separate in myself.
In any case, it's not like I haven't tried to make deals or be respectful. But it is damn hard in an abusive situation to hold on to yourself and at the same time give two ****s what the thing wants.