I totally feel you o.p.
I've had soul rants with almost those same exact words and comments as what you mentioned...
I have carried on, Alone,wondering where this will all go..
With no more answers now, than when I first searched the net and stumbled onto this term and this site just the same...
THAT. To me is what is screwed up.
I just have had the experience ....no answers ....
And that is what burns more.
It's been a decade long experience.
Two years here on sf.
Which, by the way, was very warm and supportive, helped me get through some things and made some special friends......
But still no more do I know now than when I first signed on.
I've moved on though, released myself from THIS whatever...
Stepped away and surrendered to what it is and trying my best to focus on what I do have.
But the ghost of him? Not gone.....am I any different in relationship to him? Not really...
I just learned now to ignore it.
I dedicate this song to all those who feel the same ...
Ideally I wish we all find answers one day, but for now I wish you all to find some peace with it
https://youtu.be/OXWrjWDQh7Q