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Old 12-07-2019, 03:49 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Last night, I couldn't sleep (when I usually oversleep for days on end).

I did not know what to do, so I listened to an audiobook, which takes less time, concentration and eyestrain than reading a tome of written text which gives me a migraine.

The book I chose this time..

"The Untethered Soul" by Michael A Singer.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OroxgsCsWWs

This book has so many good points, I will need to listen to it a few times before it all sinks in.

I have depression too...very BAD depression caused by a lifetime of seeking acceptance and approval for my own lifestyle "choice making". When I should have learned by now that "haters gonna hate" and it is such a pity that those who "hate" are also those who mean the most to me, like a partner, child, parent or significant other(s).

The messages one gets are always mixed and confusing: "Of course I love you....I just hate who you are and everything you do" and so, in the attempt to reconcile this conundrum internally, depression and anxiety often results.

As difficult as it is, depressed people NEED to be "selfish" and to stop living for others at the detriment of their own spiritual and emotional growth. I also realise that this flies totally in the face of everything we have ever learned...everything we are taught...i.e. "DON'T be selfish because it is wrong!" and "you must always put the needs of others before your own" however, according to Dr. Gabor Mate, putting others' needs before your own, is the leading cause of cancer and auto immune disease.

Often, we don't do those things we want to do, because we worry how it will affect other people, when it is our worry about HOW they will react, which always makes them do so in a predictable way for what we resist, persists.

We also give others ample opportunity to sabotage our dreams and goals by making them known too far in advance..which has the result of giving us ample time to second guess ourselves and talk ourselves out of all those things which have the potential to make us happy: "yes, they are totally right and I am wrong...how stupid of me to even think about that...much better to remain depressed and in bed...not doing anything which has the potential to upset another human being...safer that way..."

Unfortunately, it is your life...a life which needs to be lived on your terms..and of course, your choices will most likely alienate yourself from those you hold near and dear if they cannot accept you for who you consciously choose to be...so, instead of seeking approval and acceptance, start by doing what you enjoy..what makes you happy..and tell/trust NO-ONE, not even those negative "wet blankets" and "fun police" who masquerade as your friends, family and spiritual forum members who say "I am only saying it because I care"...rubbish! or else, they have no idea what it is to actually "care" or they would be more supportive and less judgmental.

In the end, you WILL find others who will accept you for who you are...those who have been through exactly the same thing and have given up all emotional attachments that have kept them inside a cage, when to be free, means giving up the life you have formerly known and everyone in it.

Good luck and God bless.
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