[lindyloobyloo]

Hi all,

Hope everyone is well. This is my first post and I have been a lurker for a while before I decided to join. I initially found the forums as me and my son has purchased crystal pendulums and I wanted to learn how to use them properly. However this post is on a different subject altogether.

I was really close to my granny, although I wasn’t her first grandchild ( I was the second or third oldest although I’m not close to my cousins). She practically bought us up and lived with us at one point. I was quite naughty as a child and it wasn’t until I was 8 or 9 years old that I started to appreciate her. By the time I reached my late teens, regretfully I drifted away from her. Finding my own feet, I didn’t time for my little granny. Even by 20 when I had my son, my granny called twice a week or more to have a chat and see how I was doing, every time before we hung up, I always said I will call her when I’m free, I will visit her when I’m free and regretfully, I never did- I did visit but not as often as I should have done.

When my son was 7 months, she called me and said she misses me, I said I will call her back, I didn’t and she went into hospital by the end of the week. By the time I got to her, she was in a coma, I said what I said, I told her to wake up knowing full well deep down, that she won’t, the nurse said they were waiting for her to pass. There were tears mine and hers. I knew she could hear me. By the time I left it was past 11pm, she left us at 3am. I do believe she waited for me before she crossed.

Chinese tradition says that your loved ones will come and visit after 7 days of their passing, for those 7 days, I waited and I told her I was waiting, out loud, in my head, I was repeating it. After 7 days nothing, after 8 days nothing. Almost 10 days, and she came to me, in a dream, just before her funeral. Another regret of mine was seeing her in the coffin, the directors were saying that we’re not allowed to touch. I did anyway, she was so cold and it was just a shell. I didn’t do much crying at her funeral as I felt that she wasn’t there because I saw her coffin and she wasn’t there, it wasn’t her.

In this dream, I went through this doorway from a dark corridor, it was a heavy door and I opened it to find my gran sitting at this table that stretched for miles. We were outside, sky was blue with a few clouds and it wasn’t cold but it wasn’t hot either, I don’t remember seeing the sun. My granny sat on once side of the table, wearing what she would normally wear and looking like her normal self with her false teeth and she looked happy. We chatted as she was drinking Chinese tea, there was a spare cup for me, and I wanted to pour some for myself but she said no, it’s not for me. We talked about life and caught up, I apologised for not visiting her and she said how proud she was of me. When it was time to go, the sky was getting dark, I was going to jump over the table to give her a hug and she said no, its not my time to cross, so I held her hand, said our goodbyes and I walked towards the door.

She didn’t visit me again after that, that was the first and last time. 16 years later and I still miss her, still regretful that I didn’t cherish her and visit her and call her. I miss her so much that writing this makes me cry.
I see little granny’s about and always double take as they look really similar.

My question is, was this dream real? Or did I make it up because I missed her so much and I willed her to come and visit me? How can I make it happen again? No matter how much a willed her after this dream, it didn’t happen. Any input, opinions and points of views is much much appreciated.

Thanks for reading, just a girl missing her granny x