[rynthae]

One of the past lives I have the most memories from was as the son of a bishop. My name was Killian Alexander. I lived in Ireland, possibly in the mid- to late- 1800s? As Killian, my mother died when I was young and I was raised by my father. We lived out of the cathedral my father worked out of, which had small but nice private quarters on the upper floors. My father was a devout religious man and despite everything that happened, I knew that he loved me very much.

My father believed I was the victim of demonic possession, because I had episodes where I was "not myself" and could not recall anything that happened during the blackouts. It terrified me that I couldn't remember what happened when I blacked out, and at the time I struggled a lot with wondering if it was caused by something like DID, or if it truly was a true case of possession (either by a demon or something else). My father began locking me in my room, for my own well-being. I scared others when I blacked out. The blackouts scared me, too. My father called in others to attempt exorcisms on me, but none of them had any effect. I grew depressed and lonely in my isolation, and the blackouts became worse and more frequent. I began to break out on a regular basis--both when I was "myself" and when I was blacked out/possessed, but every time I was found and dragged back home.

Desperate, my father asked for the help of a traveling priest who specialized in exorcisms. His name was Dorian. He visited me and spent time with me before deciding that an exorcism wouldn't do any good. He claimed that whatever entity was bound to me was not evil, though Dorian was extremely curious and wanted to learn more. He and I grew close, first as friends, and then as lovers.

During one of the possessed escape attempts, I fell into the river in winter and almost drowned. Dorian found me and brought me back. He stayed by my side as I recovered.

After the near drowning, I began having visions of a silver fox who spoke to me and urged me to find a pendant that supposedly was hidden in the cathedral. I remember the pendant very well even though I don't think I ever found it. It felt incredibly important. It was silver and simple, with an oval black stone. When the light hit the stone, a four-rayed star would light up in the stone. I looked it up later, and it must have been a black star diopside (black star of India). No one else saw Faeruun (the fox), and my father was convinced that I was hallucinating due to fever. The visions persisted long after my recovery, though.

At some point, my father found out that Dorian had been ex-communicated from the church. Apparently Dorian's methods were not condoned by the church.They were effective, but either too violent or involved magic of some kind or something. During the confrontation, my relationship to Dorian was revealed as well. Dorian was to be executed by the sword. I blacked out, and the next thing I knew, I was standing over Dorian, gripping the blade of a sword with blood running down my arms, standing between him and his would-be executioner. The execution was called off. It wasn't clear if it was out of concern for my life, or if I had scared everyone that badly. My hands were badly injured from the episode and took a long time to heal.

I am searching for Dorian, but would like to reconnect with anyone from this lifetime, honestly. If any of this sounds familiar to anyone please let me know.