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Originally Posted by 11Tractors
I want my job to be like that. Helping people. I want them to come to me because they want to and feel that they are welcome. They don't have to but I am lstening when they need an ear. But I need to be ok too.
I know that the door will stay closed until I willingly give my permission to open it. I am torn. These things shouldn't exist. I am an adult and a man and I should believe no nonsense. I think I have helped some dead people pass over. They found me just like the living do. If there is a slight chance it's real I want to help there too.
I want to get better. The world is so full of bad stuff that I want to be there making it better. Even a little. Every moment counts. Somebody needs to clean up this sh*t.
So. This stuff is a part of me. I am afraid of myself. I have build a wall to keep everything out but most of the scary things are still inside. In me.
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Accept that that stuff (the scary part) is a part of you too and there is some wonderful stuff also. We are all composed of our Love and fears
Accept that and move forward on that.
Noah was a drunk, many who were called and are called had some pretty big issues and were far from perfect. Perfection isn't required - willingness and action is.
Take that job at the church, listen to people both those in body and those who've left their bodies, and with every person you help, you will be healed a little more too. All we Healers know this. There comes a point in which our own further healing comes in holding loving space for others as they work through their own healing. Listen and love others and as you do so that door/your heart will slowly come back to life, the door will open more inside you and you will be renewed and move further into your own healing.
It's okay to be scared, be scared, but don't let it stop you - do this thing in spite of the fear. Your courage is also a big part of you - lean on it now and let it take you where the fear can't.
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I might be loosing it but if it's a mental illness it's very interesting that I can just close the door again and it stops. I think I need to know how deep this rabbit hole is. Nobody can run forever. I have been told to stop running. When I was in this forest. Imaginary of not I always get good advice. Back then I didn't really understand. I always understood these things fully much later.
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Your mind is not playing tricks on you, there is just more to life than you've even noticed before, your beginning to see the cracks in the matrix so to speak, starting to notice the true reality. You can shut it down again of course, this is a Free Will Planet after all, but why do it? It hasn't worked for you so far right? Why not see what's down the rabbit hole?
Many of us have gone down it and almost everyone of us has chosen to stay down it - it's a world of wonder where we are supported by invisible means, where we listen to a quiet voice - within which unerringly gives us sage advice, where we renew ourselves in a 'Secret Forest' a place just for us. And there is much more wonder than that. There is as much wonder as we can open our self up too - as much as we can hold without closing up and saying "No more".
Since your current view of reality has led you to try and numb yourself out and escape it, why not try the Rabbit Hole?
This is me throwing you air kisses from deep in the Rabbit Hole and telling you "It's mighty fine down here, come join me! I'd come up and help you down, but I'm never going to leave Wonderland again."
