gerrygirl,
First of all the one really positive thing I hear in your story is "my child needs me". Hold on to that. See life through your child's eyes.
I recommend you read this
http://gentlerecovery.webs.com/ You might relate to her story - and she's a survivor! She now heals other people.
Everything we receive is grace and karma. Learning how to play the game of grace and karma is the secret to becoming a survivor and master of our own lives. That's why we come here - to learn this, not to leave prematurely or else we're sent right back again to go through the whole thing all over again. Do you want that?
I hope you also seek out a therapist who can help you.