DP & BL -- I have spent time studying the science of love, and love relationships, as it is a topic that fascinates me. Taking the whole new age angle out of it ("vibrations" and "awakenings")... the science says that we fall in love with those people who's facial microexpressions mimic those of our first caretaker (typically, but not always, mom; could be dad, could be grandparent, could be a sitter or nanny). As this is our first experience of "love."

Humans (most of them; there are exceptions, like those with Aspberger's) are "hardwired" to read these microexpressions, which resonate deeply within our limbic system of the brain. In this way, "love at first sight" is VERY REAL. It has a scientific basis! When we meet someone and without a word something inside of us clicks and we are compelled towards them, what is happening is that we are unconsciously responding to their microexpressions, which remind us of our first caretaker.

The trouble is -- what if that first caretaker was not the best loving example? What if our primary caretaker was distant? Or worse, emotionally or physically abusive?

The scientific theory says this "limbic resonance" is precisely why many people fall in love with partners who are distant, emotionally or physically abusive, or otherwise dysfunctional etc. We *know* intellectually these partners aren't good for us -- yet we cannot help but fall in love with them anyway. It's not necessarily a heart or soul response -- it is a response within the early mapping of our brain.

On the flip side, we also cannot force ourselves to conjure up love for a partner we know, intellectually, is a healthier partner. The women who always fall for the "bad boys" cannot will themselves to fall in love with the "nice guy." It just doesn't happen.

When you start to understand this, then you look around at the relationships around you, and you see very clearly that partners all tend to have "matching" dysfunctions. It nice and neatly fits in with the spiritual concept of "karmic" relationships as well -- except this is based on science.

The science goes on to say that yes, we can "rewire" our brains over time, through relationships. (similar to karmic partners "learning their lesson/paying back karma). A trained therapist is doing this with his/her patients: hours of time with the therapist, face to face, modeling healthier microexpressions, can help "rewire" the patient. As can any relationship with someone who's healthier, and less dysfunctional. Our friendships can serve this purpose... the "in real life" kind because it absolutely requires face-to-face contact.

When we say our twins are "mirrors" I often think about this whole concept of limbic resonance and it may simply mean that we found someone who's microexpressions trigger our limbic system the closest.

The science, however, goes on to say that any rewiring happens gradually. Yes, this rewiring can explain "falling out of love" and "growing apart" (but there's also a whole 'nother pile of science on that particular topic). It can also explain why people move from one relationship to the next, and each successive relationship is *slightly* less dysfunctional than the last.

Yes, DP, it can explain why you find yourself surrounded with a whole new set of people in your life. I find it's interesting, connecting up with people from my past at the rounds of reunions: some people I was crazy about and felt super connected to back then .... no longer have that appeal. They seem "stuck" in the past and I've grown. Whereas I'm also happy to say that many of the people I adored way back when I adore even *more* today... and I am tickled to discover we've had similar paths and experiences in life, winding up in the same place today.

I know in SF we say "go inward" to find yourself and become a "better" person; but there is a lot to be said -- and science behind it -- to going outward, in *relation* with others. We grow an incredible amount in *relation* with others. Face-to-face relation.