Quote:
|
Originally Posted by MicroMacro
I did. We haven't spoken in years.
I realize that to some this is just unfathomable, but it is okay to ask yourself why you'd have a relationship with a relative when if that person were a stranger, you'd turn and run as fast as possible.
I think a lot of people have it in their minds that family sticks together - always. And that's just crazy. The responsibility for being happy and at peace - as much as possible - rests within each person. Sometimes that looks like picking the lesser of two unfortunate choices. For example, 1) you're not happy in a relationship with your mother, and 2) you're not happy having her out of your life. Neither looks good, but they're not equally 'bad'.
You have to pick one. But the one thing I think you can't do is try to get her to change.
It's not okay to say "this person or that person drives me nuts" when you chose to have a relationship with him or her. Some will say - "But she's my mother - I have to have a relationship with her."
No, you really don't. You're an adult now and all of your relationships are choices.
I'm not saying all this is applicable to you - I'm just putting it out there.
I suggest you either take her as is or walk away - permanently. She's not going to change at her age. Not unless she has a moment of deep insight and is motivated by something intensely personal. It could happen. But it won't happen due to something you say.
|
I couldn't agree with you more! And no, I don't think it is unfathomable at all.
I think I'm just dealing with guilt still, even though I know all you say is true.
That is probably THE lesson for me with these things; learning to say "no" and standing up for myself. And above all: not feel bad about it when I do so. That's the one that trips me up each time. Not putting up with **** behaviour from other anymore, knowing and feeling that I too have the right to be treated with respect.
That is a big one for me. I have had this stuff going on with my mom all my life, at a young age being claimed cos she couldn't stand on her own two feet, then it escalating as I grew older. Been bullied for years on end. My ex was a narcissist. And since a year I'm having similar problems with my daughter as well.
Thinking about that it makes me wonder why I am surrounded by people who treat me like ****. And now I realize the answer is likely: because I still haven't learnt the lesson to stand up for myself, and thus allow them to treat me this way.
Pfff...