Originally Posted by Scibat

...That I can believe in.

Long story short:

I am 41 and for all practical purposes an orphan, all of my immediate family have passed on, including a younger (13 year old) brother. Since the last death (my grandfather) I have been searching, fearing and tearing myself apart about the question of our continued existence beyond death.

I am less concerned if I face non-existence when I die, because if that is the case then I won't be aware of it anyway. But what bothers me, is the thought that all of my loved ones are just -gone- (barring my memories of them). Especially my brother, he got cancer at 10 and it took his life at 13, prior to that we lived in a semi-broken home rife with abuse.

It seems offensive to me that the universe would have him life a life like that then snuff him out of existence at 13. I have asked my friends and they have all had some personal experience (usually involving the passing of one of their loved ones) that provided them with evidence of the continued existence of those who have passed on. (Like sensing the presence of the loved one shortly after their death).

Me, I have soul searched, researched and even prayed for some kind of -experience- to happen to me that would offer me some comfort or closure in knowing he (my brother) is ok, along with the rest of my family. However I seem to be spiritually dead or something as I have had no experiences out of the ordinary, and certainly no messages or indications from my loved ones that they still exist somehow. I am science-minded by nature, but not a closed minded skeptic -- I need evidence, but once presented and able to be verified, I accept it.

So I am left in this state of permanent anxiety over the matter, and have been for some years. Some of the things I read make me think their could be an afterlife, but then there is just as much that leads me to think that such isn't possible. Forgive the rambling, I don't sleep well or a lot and this being typed during one of my bouts of insomnia, but if anyone has any thoughts, help or insights that might get me through this once and for all I would be eternally grateful.