Quote:
|
Originally Posted by wanchain
Yeah, I think right now I am kicking up the topic of "renegotiation" a couple of notches, as I undo the grooming. I think I need to speak to a few people, because I feel that there is a lot "undoing" and reshaping to do, and they go very deep.
This is the re-orientation of the self with the larger world that I am trying to learn and do. It feels a little bit like a snake shedding his old skin. There is a period of vulnerability. I am not sure if this is the right place to find support and compassion.
|
Yes. Your onto it and aware. Being open and vulnerable is a killer when your coming out of the old grooming awareness back into the world more open and clear to do things differently, because I notice things will strike you both in, planned and spontaneous ways to catch yourself out where you might otherwise hold back. I didn't like some aspects of this in the greater world around me, but ultimately, I had to learn to let go faster even as it felt extremely uncomfortable to be in those situations. It does get easier and less taxing on the "old self" to re establish itself in the world. The beautiful aspect this time around for me is that I am opening to see that even as I have had to walk through some re establishing of myself in the world, I am finding so much beautiful support in it as one. I remember in my awakening being pushed to keep going, get on my bike and keep pedalling, not to give up. Eleven years later I am doing the same, only I am doing now for real in the real world, not in the awareness of myself awakening to do it and prepare.
I feel very supported in ways I could never have known in not opening to "receive" and I know it starts with me recognising giving to myself. Then the world supports you as you surrender deeper to let go of control and old patterns where you don't have to strive so hard, live more in ways where life supports you in its own timing and connections especially designed for you. I am experiencing this now and its very beautiful to know the world supports you, where you have had to be the support of so many in your old patterns. When you not fully open in yourself to be both the giver and receiver as you, the conditioning is always infused in the support, when you surrender to that deeper learning, you free the space to let in more in ways that compliments you more clear to your own needs, as a beautiful balance..
