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Originally Posted by Lucky
Lynn, I know the feelings you describe. The whole empath-narcissist dynamic fascinates me, especially because the lessons and growth that come out of these relationships seem to be one-sided...meaning the empath is the one to learn the hard lessons while the narcissist walks away seemingly unscathed. It blows my mind to see how the narcissist is unaffected and will quickly move to a new source of energy to feed from. The empath in me wants to know things like, “what happened to you that made you so cold? What trauma did you experience that made you create such a tough exterior? Why do you wear so many masks and why are you so afraid to be your true self? Do you even have a true self? Are you heartless?”. These are questions I have for the narcissist. As an empath, and also just being who I am, I am intrigued by the inner workings of people.
I try my best to be the light for those who may need it, to hold space for them when no one else has...because I know what it feels like not to be heard and understood. I feel that when I open myself up to someone, open my heart and be my authentic self that it’s giving those in my company the opportunity to do the same. I suppose with the narcissist, there just is no getting through to them. This makes me sad. I suppose that’s the reason I stayed longer than I should have, because I had hope that I’d be able to break through that tough exterior. Silly me for always seeing the good in people, despite the mask they wear. But the narcissist...I question if it is a mask or if they simply lack any ounce of purity in their souls.
I struggle to find the positive outcome after all is said and done. Sure, I’ve grown and learned some hard lessons thanks to that experience. I’m stronger now. I’ve learned about boundaries. I had the satisfaction of having the last word. But with that, I have hardened my heart to the point where I cannot fully process those years and all I put up with. The pain and sadness is still buried deep within and it has ugly roots that run deeper than my consciousness can access. It’s incredible that after all the time that has since passed, that just the sight of his name popping up on my screen can instantly make my stomach drop. That was a trauma response. And it bothers me to know I still carry that.
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I have done a lot of research about narcissists, because I have encountered so many during my life.
One thing I can assure you of: they did not become the way they did through trauma.
I know so many people (and I'm one of them) who have gone through a lifetime of trauma and yet are empaths.
Not one of the narcissists I have encountered has ever suffered the slightest bit of trauma.
And that's not all, there is also another very significant fact: narcissists are what the Bible called the fallen angels, the wicked, demons. They are what the Quran calls the Jinn (jinn is plural by the way, jinni is the singular), they are what others might call possessed.
To end up with that level of evil is a choice. It's a choice they made, consciously, not through trauma or any other event. And it's not just the lack of empathy that makes them evil, it's something even more horrifying: they enjoy their victims' suffering!
Yes they enjoy it, it's pleasure to them, the more suffering and pain they can cause the more pleasure they derive from it.
This is very contrary to normal people or empaths, who want to ease the pain and suffering of others.
Narcissism is a spiritual concept, it gets officially portrayed as a personality disorder but it has nothing to do with that. Because an insane person doesn't know what he or she is doing. A narcissist does - the carefully drawn up plans made by narcissists for the ultimate destruction of their victims prove that.
I could cite many many examples of narcissists who have spent years, decades even, planning and scheming my downfall, manipulating others, using the legal system to harm me. These are not the actions of insane people! These are the actions of very very cunning and calculating people who know exactly what they are doing.
The questions you would like to ask the narcissist will never get answered by a narcissist. That's because they never tell the truth. Narcissists are known as the people of the lie, because every word from them is a lie. They twist and turn the truth, tell outright lies, or use bits of the truth and add a lot of lies to manipulate people around them into believing that they speak the truth.
These things are not human. They are something else, from another dimension, another realm. They copy humans to appear as humans. They watch humans to learn how to feign affection, to manipulate everyone around them.
Unfortunately they are also immune to karma. They seem to be protected by some evil power because nothing ever comes back on them. Some of the narcissists I have come across are in very advanced age now - nothing has ever come back on them. Most survivors of narcissistic abuse will tell you the same. Why this is, why they are so immune to karma is something I would love to know!
But I trust that one day there will be justice, and that's what keeps me going.