No, they are not dead. But it is an excellent question though. I can see how anyone would wonder if they were dead now that I have re read my OP.

It was actually really difficult to start this thread for a couple of reasons. Firstly, obviously it sounds like I am crazy- yet I lead a normal life and do not feel like I am unable to operate outside of 'normal' parameters. And secondly, I do not like sharing anything that might be perceived as my vulnerability and cause for me to regret disclosing. I do not want to be perceived as looking for attention etc.

I am genuinely curious about myself, and curious if anyone else has ever experienced similarly. It's hard to shake.