I will keep this brief.

Throughout my life whenever I have looked up to the stars, I have only felt intense sadness and grief.

I have received shamanic ceremonies where I think and somewhat see tall blue people with a yellowish golden sheen to them and they feel very loving towards me. If I have known them before, I do not have literal memory of them. What I do feel though and recognize, is the type of love I feel from them and for them. It feels like the safest, most unconditional love I have ever witnessed outside of myself, and is the same type of intense love that I feel towards certain people in my life. It feels so wonderful to be loved this much. Whenever I have seen and felt them, I have cried over the knowledge that I was with my parents again and wanting to return to them.

I am trying to connect the dots with this. I am a logical thinker and this causes some degree of doubt and confusion in my mind. Yet the emotionality of this issue outweighs the lack of definitive facts. I guess I am saying that I believe they are my true family and they think and feel like I do. It makes sense to me because even as a child, I didn't feel like I belonged here.

Any insights and further thoughts etc would be very welcomed.

Thanks,

~ C.