Nice response, Tea Break.
I've been around long enough to see the ups n downs of life, for sure, and I struggle sometimes the same way you do, but my 'template' is one of god or a higher power or 'inventor of the universe' gave us the gift of life, and I do very much enjoy the beauty in it, that's very important to appreciate the good stuff, good loving kindhearted people that we meet or read about, enjoying the adventure, sometimes it's enough to sit and stare at a sunset over the ocean or wherever, the starlit sky, and recently, I've even 'trained' myself to enjoy the neighbor's yelling, lol! To appreciate who people that you don't even know for who they are. Life's sometimes weird, mysterious and annoying. But when you think about how our brains work, and oh everything else, it is just so amazing to me. I wish I never had to die. But there are times I feel very sad. Best wishes, tilia.