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I don't know where the torture comes in at this point in the story....but from what you have explained...it's sounds very similiar to my experiences after I had my NDE in my 20s. I had tons of paranormal experiences...including seeing deceased people, that I didn't even know had died. I don't know if that's heaven, but it does seem to be visitations from the other side. Just be careful, sometimes when you get in too deep with these things...the lines become blurry, and sometimes you start letting things in that don't belong there, because you become wide open...like a book. Anything and everything can come through at that point. The experiences have started to fade, as the last time I had a scarey one...and I shut myself down. I still have psychic experiences from time to time, but not like I use to. I can imagine losing a small child, you have looked for answers and signs everywhere...at least I know I would have. I lost my best friend and cousin to cancer when I was 11 years old, and he was 10. We spent a lot of time together, at my grandparents cabin, school, daycare, etc. My oldest son looks and acts just like him. So I still see him through my son. I just try not to get involved with paranormal or spiritual experiences so much, unless I specificially ask for God, Jesus, or an ancestor. There's just too many things that can come through, and so much we don't know about. Things that can wreak havoc on your emotions, mental state and sanity. I'd rather just focus on work, healing, making friends, learning, and experiencing normal life these days.
My best advice would be to keep your spirit and energy level up when, or if you intentionally ask for signs. Higher frequencies are more likely to be the truth, of who you think they are when you are in a good place. When you are depressed or in a bad place, lower frequencies can come through...then it's up to you to figure out.
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