Thanks Blue Cat and ssdm1 for your kind words and for reading my (lengthy) post. I'm sorry you've had your own troubles in a twin flame union. I'm around (here and there) if you ever wish to discuss it at all via PMs or on the forum.
It isn't a good morning for me and I'll admit I've been tearful.
It doesn't help that, in a highly vivid and beautiful dream had by me last year, I'd been told by a guide: "You musn't forget him. You must
never forget him. You are his teacher. He needs your help. Once he gets the hang of things, they will become second nature to him." Before this, she'd told me other things - about my potential in this life, my 'voice,' and that my power chakra is the throat chakra. But maybe I
want to forget him as the light darkens because it has, and he has. I know I have too. I don't want to hurt like this - not anymore and it is not conducive to loving myself (i.e., being in the dark like this). I've yet to detach from all this to a point where I feel no pain.
I'm still floored by how much this woman has 'ripped me off'. It is like a 'slap in the face'. What was once so beautiful and special, has been stolen, plagiarized from me. I am angry, indeed, I am because it feels like a grave injustice has been inflicted upon me. This anger comes in waves and then ebbs day-in, day-out. I'm trying not to blame the Universe because where will that get me?! I have my own failings in this situation so I am also angry with myself. I suppose I am disappointed in my twin flame (I only feel anger toward him on rare occasions). He does not seem to be standing up for himself, acting like the strong and independent spirit I know he truly is.
I feel my twin flame is resigned to this situation, to this person. He truly acts like her puppet so a marriage would not surprise me at this stage. There just seems to be no chemistry between them - they seem awkward somehow. But who am I to say what goes on between two people? I can only speak as an observer and from things I've been told and things I've 'sensed.'
Sometimes (only out of desperation and fear of unrelentiong loneliness), I contemplate working on my relationship with my husband (who, again, I'm separated from), but I know that road has ended for me. I moved on years ago in heart, in spirit, and in soul. I don't believe a marriage certificate and a couple of rings decide a union is never going to end - the soul decides that and mine did. The only thing binding me to him is our son and the fact that we have not yet begun divorce proceedings.
I had this dream nearly four years ago and it changed
everything. I know dreams are powerful and I always have. This showed me my path leading to my twin flame. In the dream, I froze in fear and woke up not knowing if I'd ever reach my destination. I guess I haven't. So I've failed and she's reached it in my place. Anyway, after that dream, a whopper of a synchronicity came revealing my twin flame to, indeed,
be my twin flame and then more incredible synchronicities kept coming and coming. I think I walked around in a constant state of amazement and I felt 'charmed.' Then
she came and I'm not sure he and I ever had chance, really. She has connections and money - things I do not have. She just kind of pushed herself in between the two of us. As things like this usually are, it's complicated and it's a long story I don't much care to dwell on.
The irony is, is that she is pushy and fulfilling the role in a more superficial sense that I suppose I am/was meant to play. Truth-be-told, my twin actually tried to break up with her some time ago, but she would not have it. They'd been in a play together and like I said, she seems to have this endless 'cling-on' effect. I worried that she would not give up until he got her to marry him and, well, here we are...
He'd called me last year, around this same time, to see him but I could not get away from certain things to be able to. She was not 'out of the picture' either which made the idea 'uncomfortable' for me. I suppose I'm now regretting that I didn't go to him, wondering if things would be different.
There is also the fact that he is happily and newly settled in a country in the Mediterranean, having left England where I, myself, have been living for the last (nearly) eleven years. I wish to go home - back to U.S., to my beloved mountains in California. I'm currently 'stuck' in the U.K. until things are worked out with the end of my marriage and custody arrangements with my child. He loves Europe and I love America (despite all its problems and current political upheaval - it's still
home!). My twin and I just seem to be pulling in completely opposite directions. He's also seemingly become more vain and materialistic and that bothers me. He never used to be that way - not till he got with her. He was always humble and prided himself on being able to carry all of his most important belongings on his back. She's changed him so much that, sometimes, I have to think hard to remember who he used to be (i.e., the
real him).
'Things are falling apart' - I think that would be a highly correct statement with regards to my life right about now. It is what it is. I'm not sure what else to say though I know what I have to do - I'm just unsure as to whether or not I've got the strength, the courage, the focus and the faith to do it. I'm also just plain
tired.