[Gem]

Originally Posted by A human Being

Completely understandable, I imagine most people would do if they were being constantly criticised and second-guessed. As you said, though, your mum's like that with everyone so rationally you know it isn't personal - but regardless, the resentment's still there.

I've become aware recently of just how much resentment I have in me, and what I'm finding in my own experience is that there are layers to it, though those layers only become apparent if I fully feel into the resentment, without getting lost in thought patterns about how this person did this to me and they shouldn't have, it's not fair, I'm so hard-done-by, etc. All those thought patterns might seem perfectly justified (actually they pretty much always do feel justified), but they're only making me miserable because I'm arguing with what can't be changed. So I have a choice - either I let go of those feelings, or I suffer.

Quite. To feel without the story is getting to the deeper aspect of it. In my case, I don't have resentments, grudges or anything like that, but I have other life issues, and it's this seeming irony where my mind becomes this still, but that ease of myself lets the monsters come out of their holes and rage storms in my mind, but I'm not the mind, and it's really a matter of how peaceful I remain in the midst of difficult discomfort, and what extremity of feeling I can endure without becoming overwhelmed. That is the difficulty of mindfulness, so I consider all these things to be opportunities to practice, and use it to stablise that equanimity in the knowing that this has risen so it can pass, so I don't fight with anything or try to make it go away - I basically cut the bulldust story like you say, and let it be as it is, which usually makes it get worse, but then it goes away, and it's hard for me to remember the things that already cleared through, but I can recall my deep resentments of the past, I can remember the things that occurred that I used to resent people for, but that resentful feeling has completely gone from me.

And the power really is in my hands, not in anyone else's. We're all complicit in our own suffering.

Tru dat.