[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by olhosdeamendoa

Well for starters I couldn't care less about the "new age movement". I know very well what I have been through and it's not my imagination.

I have been in a journey of empowerment and stepping into my true self. I'm not special or an average person. I'm just a normal soul with a specific life purpose.

We are ALL in an ascension process in this planet, the difference is some are aware of it, some are not.

My business didn't give me a sense of "grandeur", it just showed me how much I can achieve when I am true to myself and stand in my power.

It was easy to do that in my business, not so in my personal relationships. I think it's more due to certain patterns of behaviour.

I only feel the need to have a romantic partner when I am feeling vulnerable and lonely for some reason, otherwise I am happy living my life. And instead of going within and address why I am feeling vulnerable and lonely, I go to the external world trying to find someone to lean on.

And then from that energy of weakness and loneliness I end up attracting all sorts of abusive people and predators that try to manipulate and take advantage of me feeling that way.

My last relationship was a clear example of that. Even after we broke up, he was still sending messages emphasising how lonely and vulnerable I am and how much I need him! That was a BIG eye opener for me.

I feel like I need to address what is not right in my life that makes me feel like that, and create the happy life I want.

I am soon moving back to my country, after living in a very cold and dark north country for several years. I love the beach and warm weather and have been depressed living here.

I'm starting to understand that I need to feel empowered and abundant and joyful and then try to find a partner from THAT energy instead.

So...Olhos de...hello there & so sorry for your troubles.

What I see is this:

You are becoming more discerning. Look at the above text...you have clearly identified your own problems.

AND you have clearly identified the source...YOU

So long as you are in a place of need and lack and loneliness, the odds of attracting a predator are very, very high. Because they resonate with this energy. It is easy for them to manipulate others who give away their power and who seek affirmation of their worth from others.

Predators are so normative and so commonplace in our time that they will approach all (but particularly those who are not attached) if they are allowed, and they will attempt to manipulate or coerce or deceive others into occupying a space of weakness and co-dependence. Such that they can operate in a predatory way toward others with as much cooperation as possible from you. If you simply immediately desist in engaging and walk away, they are forced to look elsewhere for prey.

So it is important that you are resilient and strong and centred, so that you can recognise this approach and this persona, and walk away.

You then come to the right conclusion but for the wrong reason IMO. You need to be empowered and abundant and joyful for yourself and for your own sake. Full stop. And not, to do A) in order to B) then try to find a partner from a better place. If you are doing the work on yourself for yourself, full stop, it is far more likely to stick. If you are doing the work ultimately to get a partner who is at least not so demanding or manipulative, then you are IMO entirely off the mark. What if you cannot find someone who even treats you with honour and dignity, respecting you equally? Would it be enough if he requires sex to interact with you but doesn't really engage emotionally, so long as he is not as controlling or demanding as those you've been with? How will you define that boundary if you don't really know where it lies and what it looks like, and if you continue to engage sexually with men who expect or require sex as a condition for spending time and getting to know you, and who thus demonstrably appear lack the capacity for authentic love of another?

Now...I realise this is the cultural norm in the West and that this behaviour is by far the behaviour of the vast majority of gents (i.e., requiring sex as a condition for maybe getting to know you personally). Now...let that sink in. How likely is it that you will get much more than thoroughly used from the vast majority of "partner" relationships? Very likely indeed. In fact, it requires the strongest and bravest among us to even begin to sort through the massive heap of predatory/borderline human detritus you describe in search of something approaching a sincere, authentic love for one another simply as people and as beloved friends, full stop...and only then perhaps also as beloved partners. So...does focus on a "partner" who primarily sees you as a source of easy sex and casual affection -- and who (if shagging you as a requirement for getting better acquainted) very likely does NOT by any stretch at all intend, grasp, or understand what you mean by a "partner" -- does this sound like the right approach or way to go about your journey of self-empowerment and love?

I know initially it may sound disappointing, but our reality today is what it is...and accepting that is in fact hugely liberating to give yourself permission just to be who you are, as you are, full stop. Given our reality in modern society...do you want to spend your spare time slogging through this lifetime whilst forever trying to bring your sexual partners to a more evolved place, to forever try to "teach by example" (LOL), being a de facto emotional parent to your "partner", giving till you're spent as you've been doing, and forever pimping yourself out to (it's most men, let's be honest) who expect your sex as a condition of simply spending time with you as a human being? LOL...jesus it's exhausting, coarse, and degrading to even put it on paper You begin to see what a sucking black hole of relentless turmoil, need, and desperation most "partners" are when they are in fact just a [demanding yet stunted and utilitarian] sexual partner. Snooze... Until and unless they love you authentically, can truly be there for you, and truly have anything at all of real value to offer to a REAL partner ;) But IMO don't focus on that and don't hold your breath trying to find the needle of decency in the haystack of rot...as all of this is misdirection of resources and energy on YOUR own journey of discovery and growth.

On the other hand...think of who and what you could do and be without having to put this focus on your radar in any way, shape, or form...and just cultivate relationships with both yourself and others in your life who WILL get to know and love you as you are, without requiring sex or emotional servitude or other justifications of your right to exist . IMO you would be well served to entirely put partner relationships aside and focus on yourself for the near future. You deserve all the love and focus and support which you have given thanklessly to others over the years. When you are centred and resilient, you'll realise that the vast majority of those who seek to be in sexual partner relationships have very little to offer you. Until and unless they offer you an authentic love which seeks your highest good equally to theirs And does not demand or require sex and one-sided emotional support etc., as a condition of "getting to know you".

Peace & blessings and much love & light
7L