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Native spirit – I’m sorry you went through what sounds like a similar experience. I had one brother, and he was definitely my mother’s favorite, and this was obvious to people even outside the family. Strangely, though, I do not begrudge her that one detail, even though I, as a mother myself, cannot fathom feeling differently for one child than the other.
Silver – I agree that hate is a cancer…wholeheartedly! That is why I am trying so hard to eradicate it from inside of me.
Nature Grows – thank you for that insight. Although there are plenty of things she has done that do require forgiveness, I suppose her behavior towards me growing up is not one of them. I was older and out of the house before I realized that it was projection and nothing I deserved. It still hurt, but I do feel that now that I have recognized it for what it was, I did recover from it.
It is also interesting that you said to write a hateful letter. Lately, I’ve been thinking of maybe keeping a journal where I write down the things I’d like to say to her. These thoughts always come to me at night, and I think it would be a lot better to write them down, so that maybe if I get the thoughts out, I won’t have to continue rethinking them every night.
This time in my life has been incredibly detrimental to my meditation practice. I have not been able to properly meditate in m o n t h s. Thank you all for your suggestions and encouragement and advice, and I am optimistic that I can get my third eye open again…
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