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Your post was very powerful, and I want to thank you for sharing it. It's difficult for many to bare their souls and be so open. It really resonated with me and I wish I could properly express my gratitude.
In more ways than not, I have experienced a life rather similar to yours, with many of the same struggles. You may be surprised how many people have, but are too afraid to share it or risk being seen as the odd one out (ironically). Duality in particular; everyone has both the dark and light sides, it's just that a lot of us would rather we have the light without the dark, and will try to ignore the latter.
Alot of your struggles are ones I am still working on myself, so I can only offer what has let me gain some headway. But if nothing else, it's my hope that letting you know you're not alone, your pain is shared, will bring you some peace.
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"Sometimes you will act as an angel to others, perhaps without even realizing it. One day a woman comes up to you and says 'You saved my life'. You look at her astonished, trying to remember the last time you even saw this person before, the meeting meant so little to you at the time. 'Don't you remember? I was standing on the bridge, staring at the water, and you passed and said 'Good morning'."
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