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I experienced an ADC three days after my best friend died in December 2000. I was sitting at my desk in front of a window, alternately paying bills and staring out at the rain. I was just exhausted and wrung-out with grief, and just wanted to go crawl back in bed.
Then--for lack of better words, as I can't adequately describe it--I became aware of his presence, as if he was standing behind me, but at the same time filling the room. And then he (for lack of a better description) leaned over and "embraced" me--I was just wrapped in this energy that I recognized as essentially him, but all the accumulated heavy, negative, earth-bound stuff was gone. In that moment, I understood that once he'd changed state, all of that stuff had simply fallen away because it belonged to the limited perceptions of the body, and not the soul. And since he now had the soul's perspective, he had a higher perspective on his entire life, and our experiences together, and if there had been any unfinished business here between us, it was all forgiven because he had a higher understanding of it all.
I also received the words, "I love you; it's okay." I didn't so much hear them as feel them pressed upon me. And then it was over. It took no more than 30 seconds, start to finish, but completely and fundamentally changed my view of reality.
I wasn't expecting that experience; there was nothing in my life before it that would have led me to believe it was even possible. Occasionally I've tried to deny it, and come up with logical reasons why my brain was playing tricks on me, but each time I get this intense feeling of resistance, and sometimes feel the word "NO" being pressed upon me. I can't escape the truth that this event actually happened, or talk myself out of it. And it's changed my life in some deep, profound ways, without my even trying to make that happen.
Now, all of that said--after it happened, I expected to have similar experiences in the future. When my grandfather died, then my grandmother, then my father--these were cornerstone relationships in my life; certainly they'd make contact, especially since I was now open to it?
Nope. It's been 15 years since my grandfather died, seven since my grandmother went, and my father's been gone for four years, and I haven't heard so much as a peep out of them. Same with other friends who have passed. The only being who has come through--and it was over a year after his death, and totally unexpected--was one of my cats, who came through to tell me I was a "good human" when I was having a period of intense heartbreak and guilt.
So why didn't these people I was so close to (or, in the case of my father, who I had a difficult relationship with) come through? Probably because I didn't need them to.
And why did my friend come through so intensely? As the years go by, I've come to believe that it was part of our soul contract together. He was going to pull aside a corner of the Veil and give me a fleeting glimpse of what was on the other side--because I needed it. Not to feel better (even though I did), but to give me a perspective on life, death, transience/permanence, and existence that I was going to need in order to carry out my own goals for this lifetime.
There are so many things I wouldn't be doing now if I didn't have the perspective I do. Not being afraid of death, not seeing it as an evil to be avoided, beginning to understand the soul and its purpose here, and having the ability to handle loss and grief from that perspective have changed everything. And I'm sure that in the future, as I keep developing an even deeper understanding of what I experienced, there will be some other work for me to do here, that will present itself when I'm ready for it.
So maybe the reason you're not receiving any kind of communication from your late partner is because it's not in the cards for you. It's not part of your soul's contract. Maybe there's an intentional lack of communication because there's something to be learned by not getting it. What that might be, I couldn't tell you--and you'll only know what it is after you've learned it.
And I know that isn't very uplifting and encouraging, and probably isn't helpful to you right now. I'm sorry; not every piece of insight or advice I have to offer is going to be what people want to hear. But by waiting, and waiting, and waiting for that communication so you can find comfort, and needing it to happen, you're keeping yourself trapped in your grief, and that's not helping you.
And I'm not saying "get over it," or "move on." My best friend, who died and paid me a visit? To this day, almost 17 years later, I wish I could just call him up for one of our marathon phone conversations, or hang out and drink coffee with him, or go on a road trip together. I've never stopped missing his presence here on earth, not for a single day. I'd even love to have another fight with him, where we both have to get over ourselves and make up! So I can't imagine what it must be like to lose a partner after 41 years, and the life you two created together.
But waiting for them to finally come through--how long are you going to wait? What are you going to do if that contact never comes?
What would you need to do for yourself to start building a life on your own, in which the gaping dark hole of absence gradually moves away from the center, and out toward the periphery of your daily experience? Because there will never cease being a hole. Even if the loved one show up in a miraculous vision and tells you it's all wonderful, the hole will still be there. And that's okay--you can't possibly fill the hole, and you don't have to. You can go to the end of your life saying, "Yes, there's a hole, and it's a big one, and it's never got any smaller." But taking up permanent residence in the hole won't make it any smaller, or the edges less jagged, or ease your pain at its existence. And it won't bring your beloved back.
If your partner could see you--waiting, waiting, still waiting--and for whatever reason they knew they couldn't contact you to give you relief, what do you think they would want to tell you? Would they want to see you like this--or would they want you to do something else? What might that be? Could you do that? If not for yourself, could you do it for them?
As a parting note, I have no idea if or when you will ever receive an ADC from your partner. I can't claim to know why some people get them and others don't (even though I think I know why I got mine, I can't speak for anyone else). It could still happen. But I think that if it's going to, it will happen when and how you least expect it--and probably long after you've stopped waiting and hoping for it.
(Oh, and stay away from mediums; I've yet to meet one who wasn't a fraud, whether intentional or not, and the intentional frauds are the worst kinds of predators.)
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