|
Originally Posted by The Necromancer
...one of the many things I lack.
My mental health outreach nurse came for her usual fortnightly visit and her question to me was "why aren't you doing your physiotherapy exercises at home like you were told to do?"
I mean, I was totally honest by telling her I wasn't doing them, so I was equally honest in my reply - "I'm just way too lazy".
Then she's like "oh well then, good health or bad health - your choice".
I'm one of these people who eat when hungry, sleep when tired, do yoga and meditation 2-3 times a week at any time of the day and usually when I have nothing better to do.
Nurse is like "nothing better to do would be all the time, wouldn't it?"
She does have a point.
She continued..."no wonder your body is in a total mess and your nerves are completely shot. The body, mind AND spirit needs regularity and routine to heal itself and function at its best - just ask any athlete that".
She had another point.
She really laid the boot in with 'points'. lol
In regards to meditation and yoga (she does it)- she's almost 70, has the body and energy of a 40 year old and still works 6 hours, 3 days a week doing community nursing...I like her.
She's like "you need to set yourself a time to do things (something my Guides have already said to me) and even if you devote say 1 hour of your day for yoga/meditation - that's only 7 hours out of 120".
Well that point is partially correct because you can minus about 40 of those hours for sleep but it's still only a tenth of the time.
Getting myself into a routine, a strict routine is going to be hard, because for the past 20 years, I have been a total 'go with the flow' person and while that may be good for the 'hippies' and 'counter cultural revolutionaries' it's not a good thing for a spiritual aspirant and it is very taxing on the body and mind.
My nurse said "It's like the body not getting something it needs at one time, then getting something it doesn't need at another time....no wonder your nerves are bad".
Another point..
It's not like I am going to get up at 4am and meditate because I'll just fall asleep again. For me, the day doesn't even start until 7am - 10am, but I need to get into the habit of setting my alarm for 6am and going to bed no later than 10pm. 10pm to 6am sleep is a good pattern.
With that extra hour or three in the morning, I should be able to find time to do meditation and yoga and all I need to do before breakfast (which I do not eat).
Upon hearing that I did not eat breakfast (mostly because my whole digestive system is still way to sluggish to digest food after sleeping) my nurse admonished me with a "naughty girl - no wonder you crash after your midday meal".
So, after making all my new year's resolutions - none of which were any real 'practical goals' whatsoever, I realised that my body is aging and getting on and I understood why a lot of old people seem to have a certain time for everything - it's because they listen to their bodies more.
Another reason why discipline is difficult to establish and maintain is because of the whole guilt trip one goes on if they miss a day or two, then meditate for three hours the following day to 'catch up on missed meditation' but my nurse said,
"If you miss a few days, so what? It's better to miss than to miss-out by not doing anything at all...still, it is your choice, do you want to suffer or do you want to get better and heal...because if you do nothing, it will be the former...and for your whole life it will be the former...until you get yourself into a routine of establishing good habits".
I mean, I already had a 'bad habit' routine going of sorts, so I know I am not totally incapable of this...it's just my egoic mind rebelling and saying "how dare you try and put me in my place through discipline, routine and ritual...how dare you..."
This is what it's all about though isn't it? to tell your ego to go jump and to ignore all protestations of mind...because those 'bad habits' have totally rewired the brain into believing - "this is the way it is, so this is the way it should be forever and ever amen".
Thing is, that if I listen to my 'egoic mind' which says "just relax babe, you don't need to meditate every day" or "Don't worry about eating if you don't feel up to it" or "You can sleep in for an extra hour - your body probably needs it and nobody is going to know or even care"...yeah, it is like Satan leading Christ away from God...."Don't worry Jesus, if you listen to me, I can be your God"...
However, I am getting off-track. I realise that last little bit of ego I need to kill is the one that totally lies for my own 'good' or makes beautiful excuses because it's all sugar-coated waffle - "you fully deserve to indulge in self-gratification, because you owe it to yourself to love yourself more and be the best you can be"....this voice is an illusion! It is the voice of a demon who is using my self-belief and self-confidence as a tool for me to indulge in my laziness and irregularity even more....and all that does is lead to massive guilt that I am not doing like I said I would or I 'promised myself'.
So, my nurse is going to bring me a huge daily planner (for a week) which has every hour of the day written on it and she's going to watch me fill it in next fortnight...she understands all of this now.
I mean, I am never lazy when I actually have to do something or need to do something - like I am meticulous with my housework and I attend to family issues as they arise, and I do meditate and do spiritual things - like going to meditation and yoga courses, but to continue doing them at home, it's like I need a bomb placed under me.
I realise that if I am going to meditate, it needs to be at exactly the same time every day, even if it's for 30 minutes only, or else I am way better off not meditating because the whole benefit is in the discipline and in the ritual and in the technique and not in regards to the actual meditation itself.
Thank you for reading.
|