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Originally Posted by jimrich
As a man, who ruined his 1st marriage and had to do a lot of therapy and self examining, I can only say that your mate seems about like I was: lost in Denial and in need of learning or acquiring some good relationship skills (google it).
Same here! It's called DENIAL! I pretty much ignored my feelings and was also taught early on to HIDE my feelings (like most other males) so I would look "tough, in control and COOL! But, just like your guy, I could become quite emotional when triggered or DRUNK!
IMO, that is just a convenient excuse to cover up for the sad fact that he, like me, was never taught how to make a relationship work in the first place and may need you to inspire him to get busy and LEARN HOW.
His basic problem, IMO, is that he was not taught how to make a relationship work at home and is now in need of some training.
There are many, many good relationship books out there and you can also google: relationship tips or relationshp skills and get started having the kind of relationship you BOTH want or go find someone who will give you the things you want.  |
Im not sure about this. I had a horrible family example. Not one good relationship I saw yet despite that I chose to treat others how I wished to be treated. Love, respect, no games, no manipulation, honesty.
This stuff comes naturally it seems a bit sheepish to blame someone for not teaching it. Someone can teach you to behave badly but still it's a choice to follow.
I was beaten, manipulated, abused in ways I need not talk about. It didn't make me perpetuate the behavior it made me sure I would not do the same to others, and to have empathy for the suffering of others.
At some point we have to stop blaming and realize choices were made.