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Originally Posted by SoulSista
Is this completely 100% fair or should alarm bells be ringing? I know I'm the only person responsible for me, but where does "duty" in relationships begin and end on things like this? OPINIONS PLEASE ❤️
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Over New Years Day I went through a very similar thing with my boyfriend, only he choice to go to work that day instead as it was quiet in the office and he could get caught up on projects.
As I spent the day alone it began to fester inside me, this resentment that he wasn't spending the holiday with me. Christmas I'd only gotten a few hours with him as he retreated to his 'man cave' and the bliss of silence for the rest of the day. As I looked under the resentment, loneliness was discovered, which took me even deeper into a self pity party.
By the time he did come home from work I was a real emotional disaster. He kept asking what he could do and I lay across the couch sobbing. I couldn't think of a way he could help me and so he stood there helpless and worried, while I had a full on emotional drama.
Later I heard him vomiting in the bathroom. (he's very emotionally and energetically sensitive and anything causing him distress seriously effects his body and digestion, one reason he likes to work alone away from others energies)
Later that evening after returning from some friends house together and toasting the New Year I had calmed down and arrived at internal peace again. Several days later able to look back and review it all realistically.
Bottom line: It had been a Full Moon which amplified a mild streak of active energy inside me (loneliness) and given the Holiday, unexpectedly being alone for the majority of it (again), in the middle of a relationship in which being alone is a large unwelcomed part of it already, had led to an emotional break down and I projected all my junk onto him. A hug would have gone a long ways during that incident, or even a re-assuring pat, but energetically he couldn't handle the energy I was putting out (very low frequency) and thus stood helplessly on the other side of the room from me during the incident in fight/flight/freeze - with Freeze winning out.
It was not his responsibility nor duty to 'make me feel better'. He holds space for me out of love, (to the extent he can) it is not owed or due to me in anyway. I alone am responsible to fill myself up, experience the joy of being and fill my time with things which feel worthwhile and to love myself - he will mirror whatever my interior relationship is with myself as is the nature of everything in the Universe. It All reflects back to us our relationship with ourselves.
I truly do not want to be 'that woman' who unexpectedly melts down on a guy because my own interior landscape is a right mess at the moment and then holds him as an emotional hostage while I sob and wail while trying to get my inner compass back on true north. It is not his responsibility to 'make it better' just because he's dating me. Nope, I don't want to be that girlfriend who can't own her stuff and it results in becoming an emotional minefield.
While I had a set back in my evolution of consciousness, I refuse to not take full responsibility for those unbridled emotions and their disempowering effect on my boyfriend and will do my utmost to be more aware, more tuned into my inner emotions and deal with them present time so the next Full Moon doesn't super charge my hidden/suppressed emotions making them an emotional time bomb exploding my internal goo on whoever is nearby.
This is my conclusion from the unexpected melt-down. My junk. He was an innocent bystander. It wasn't about him, nor will it be made about him. Instead I will face my inner realms, own them and deal with them.
Maybe something in it will be useful for you for the current and future situations?